If you believe that you are free because you live alone, because you have achieved financial freedom or because your children have left your home, know that all this has nothing to do with true freedom. True freedom can come only from within you.
Most people confuse being free and being free from constraints. It goes without saying that having fewer constraints gives you more freedom but it is rarely a real freedom. Take the example of a person who thinks he is free because he has decided to live alone. This person can still experience loneliness or financial problems. It has constraints that prevent it from being totally free.
It's the same for someone who thinks he's free because his financial situation is very pleasant. This situation can cause relationship problems such as financial disagreements with her spouse and children. She may also be afraid of being loved only for her money and frustrated at the thought of taking advantage of her or being afraid of losing her money. True freedom can not be attained when only the material plane is satisfied.
For my part, I thought I was finally free when the children left the house. I realized that was not the case. Most parents find it difficult to leave their children completely free and not worry about them when they leave home. Why? Because parents have not reached their own state of freedom. They can not let their children be free of ALL their decisions without experiencing emotions, frustration, anger, disappointment, and so on.
I remember the emotions I was experiencing when my eldest son did not call me or return my calls for more than a month. I imagined several scenarios that fueled my fears. I even thought he did not like me very much to do that. The reality was different: he told himself that I certainly preferred not to hear from him if they were not good. I came to understand that he liked to call me or see me only when he had nice things to say to me. He wanted to make me happy.
I have heard many grandparents share their feelings and frustrations with their grandchildren in my workshops. Some do not agree with the way parents act with their children or with their parents. Others feel obliged to take care of it when it does not always please them. Despite the fact that they are at an age at which they could really enjoy life, they have difficulty living for themselves and do not listen to the need of their soul to live serenely, without worrying for the others. Regardless of our age or the situations we live in, we create all kinds of constraints that undermine our freedom.
Know that to be free is to give oneself the right to be oneself. It's daring to listen to your needs even if they do not match the expectations of others. It is to feel that we are the only master of our life.
During my first marriage, I thought I was really free because I had a good career in sales, I made a very good living and I ran everything at home. On the other hand, I always justified my decisions and when my husband did not agree with me, I was angry and I did everything to be right. When we need the agreement of others to allow ourselves to listen to a need, we are dependent on their opinion. We are not free.
I experienced something else in my relationship with my second spouse. When I wanted to go alone for a while to some place to recharge my batteries for example, I told him of my need. I did not ask him for his approval, but rather, checked how he felt about my decision and whether he needed me to do anything for him before leaving. He always told me that he preferred to accompany me but he understood my need. He knew I loved traveling with him but sometimes being alone was essential for me. Since he was never reacting to my decisions, I knew that I was really free in my marital relationship. If he had been angry or had tried to make me feel guilty, I would have known that I was not free and that I still felt guilty.
Those who live only for others instead of listening to their own needs may think that meeting their own needs is a sign of selfishness. I would like to remind everyone that being selfish means wanting others to listen to our needs before they listen to theirs. If you are one of those who live for others, I suggest you reread this definition at least three times.
By preventing you from being free,