For a very big part of my life one of my biggest challenges regarding one aspect of my OCD was beating the clock. You see for everything that took place in my life there was a deadline, it was so hectic at a stage that even setting deadlines had to be done on a deadline.
The watch around my wrist was not there to keep time, it was there as a set timebomb, and once it was set to trigger a self-set deadline – it was basically set to count down the seconds to emotional turmoil.
In a way this did help me to get more done, but at the same time it took away such a great part of actual living, that it drove spiralling head first into a deep depression. And one that I remained stressfully unaware of until it was too late!
• OCD is a chronic condition, meaning that even when you manage to get it under control, it will still run in the background.
• OCD feeds on guilt and doubt.
• OCD actions are one thing, but OCD thoughts are another.
Only after recognising the problem within myself was I able to start working on it, and after quite some time and stern discipline regarding this matter did I eventually manage to curb this behaviour. This included getting myself to:
• stop setting deadlines for every action in my life,
• stop wearing watches and checking time constantly,
• not scheduling my entire life with the result being: not living
• appreciating the smaller things in life in-between,
• granting myself some appreciation for completed tasks in stead of trying to beat my own time.
I must say that I found a deep-seated sense of accomplishment and freedom in getting this behaviour under control, my anxiety and stress levels were lowered immensely, and I was not constantly putting my self on a guilt trip or convincing myself that I am not good enough when I missed my target mark.
I started realizing that I am able to get more than enough done and still make time to spend on people that I care about as well as things that nourish my soul.
If you neglect making time to tend to yourself and nourish the things that are important in your life, then you are really left with no reason to pressure yourself to do better in other aspects of your life, because neglecting yourself can lead to a mental, emotional and physical burn out, leaving you with nothing left to contribute at all.
I used to consider placing myself and my own needs first a selfish act – now I realise that it is the only way to ensure that you are able to keep on giving!
