According to the World Health Organization, "globally, an estimated 350 million people of all ages suffer from depression."

When people think of depression, a lot of time their mind jumps to the most extreme conditions.

Suicide and Self harm.

These deserve the utmost attention, but I am hear to describe a lesser evil, if there is such a thing in the world of mental health.

What I experience is closest related to something called Recurrent Depressive Disorder. I found the best description from the WHO (I love that site): " this disorder involves repeated depressive episodes. During these episodes, the person experiences depressed mood, loss of interest and enjoyment, and reduced energy leading to diminished activity for at least two weeks."

So basically what we are working with is two weeks (mine have lasted up to a month) of feeling useless, sad, angry, hopeless, and with lack of complete creativity. If I could wrap myself in a blanket away from the world in a dark hole where no one has to see me fight through this, I would do it in a heart beat. Triggers can be anything, and that is the worst part. You could be having the best week of your life and you see something on the news and down that rabbit hole you go.

So let me get personal with you guys. I have an incredible family. My husband is one of the most intelligent men I know, he is supportive, he cooks and cleans, he manages our family with an ease that I only wish I had (Our work schedules are almost complete opposite 90% of the time), and he does what he knows when it comes to the fact that I suffer from a few chemical imbalances, which in all honesty is not much (part of the reason for this post). My son is one of the brightest four year old kiddos I've met. He gets bored easily which is a struggle all its own, but he loves to cuddle and sometimes that is just what you need. I have an incredible seventeen year old step daughter who is as beautiful as she is smart and she's REALLY smart, and my family is supportive of all of my wacky ideas. My group of friends is what you hope for, long term friendships and help however they can, and a job that rivals any "love for my job" statements in the world. What I am getting at, is I've got it REALLY good.

So why the long face Eeyore?

So here is what happens in my mind. One day, I'm in a field full of cala lillies (my favorite flower, btw), and the next I am locked in a dungeon with no escape. Basically, I'm sleeping beauty. Not really, but it's a nice thought.

• My life becomes a maze of what ifs, how could I ofs, and why mes. Cue the anxiety demon.
• I have no patience, I lose my cool with everyone around me.
• I never find anything funny, and laughter really is the best medicine.
• If I could smash my mirrors I would, because I'm tired of looking at my sullen face.
• Nothing is shiny anymore.
• I cry. A lot. Just because I can't shut my mind down.
• I suffer from insomnia.
• My skin feels like there's thousands of bugs crawling underneath it at all times (anxiety).
• I hate the world, because the world is doing so much better than me (I know it really is not, but it seems that way. I have it pretty fantastic, really).
• The darker the room, the better.
• I have no creativity.
• Nothing ever comes out right, which makes me cry more.
• My friendships suffer.
• My relationships suffer.
• My heart literally hurts from wanting nothing more for it to pass.

So, easy fix, right? See a doctor, have them dope me up, move on with my life. It's easy if you have insurance. Because I do not EVER have a sense of wanting to self-harm, I'm considered a mild case. My anxiety effects my driving and my ability to function, but even anxiety meds do not touch it sometimes because it's not a single occurrence, sometimes it is like having a panic attack for a full 24 hours.

On the Affordable Care Act, I should be able to get insurance, however it was going to cost over $400 just for my husband and I. That is not something that is always doable. Free therapy sessions are available everywhere, but when you have a physical imbalance in your body, you need medication, not to talk it out.

I do breathing exercises, and they do help. But here are some other things that you can do to help a loved one going through an episode:

• Above everything that I will tell you, be there.
• Do not down play their issues, it makes us feel even more inferior.
• Hug us. You don't even have to talk, just give us a hug.
• Don't say you understand, unless you REALLY do. Let us know you care, and you want to help, but let us tell you how to. A lot of times we won't know what to tell you, but just (and this goes back to number 1) be there.
• Please, do not offer up your own self-medication tips. We are aware that exercise would help alleviate a lot of our problems, our doctors have told us that, but when you feel like the tar at the bottom of a jar, the last thing you can get yourself hyped up to do is exercise.
• On the flip side, if it's not too hot, ask if we want to just go for a walk. Sometimes getting outside will help, we will tell you no if we do not want to.
• In 90% of my episodes, I want you touching me, but not talking. Just be quiet and watch the TV with them. Hold their hand, touch their leg, just be close to them. We just don't want to feel alone even though we want to be in a hole. (see where this is getting complicated?)
• Don't turn your back to us. When we have a melt down, just come over and hold us. Don't walk away.
• GET OFF YOUR PHONE. Do you know how INCREDIBLY detached it feels to need someone and all they can do is stare at their phone texting someone or reading shit? Put your loved ones first, they REALLY need to feel like the priority for a minute.

I get that a lot of these seem selfish, and they are, but when you fall in love with someone who suffers from a mental health disorder you have to be ready to help us fight the demons within. We don't need you to be our shining knights, what we do need is you to stand next to us.