I run a Supper Club for adults. It is not a dating site, but we have already had one hookup in the first three weeks which apparently has already destroyed a marriage. Its not the best advertisement we could have to come along if you are married.
Anyone is allowed to join and in an effort to find new members, I have followed several dating sites on Facebook, and been trawling the Classifieds columns looking for people who are looking for friendship. The world is full of lonely people, and these days they don't know how to make new friends. I was the same and found myself struggling. It isn't easy when you move anywhere - let alone the whole other side of the world - but I felt lonelier when I was married. You know that feeling you get when you are standing in a room full of people you don't know and you start to panic. You are praying for just one person to look your way, or acknowledge you with a smile or an introduction. Just one way to get you started and then its mostly plain sailing from there unless you get really wasted and make a fool of yourself by throwing up all over the bathroom. I hate parties now.
I have had lots of days like this and used to go along to tourism industry functions where I had to introduce myself to complete strangers but in those days I had a purpose to be there - I was gonna network my ass off and I had a business card to hand out. That was my crutch.
When you are a single you don't have a crutch anymore. It is just you - looking for a good time, or a date or a friend. It is just you that is wanting company, and when your looks go, and you are a size 20 - it is just you that they would have to settle for if they were interested in anything further.
I haven't dated anyone for ten years now. I haven't lost the art of speaking to anyone. I am probably more interesting now than I have ever been - but I am a different person now. I am not a good catch. Not in a world were there are younger, prettier versions out there with less hangups than me.
So what do you do in this day and age when you are looking for companionship. Most people turn to the Classifieds, or one of the internet dating sites. I have had nothing but bad luck on there so far. Some people don't even bother with adding a photo - I wonder if they paid their membership - because they are obviously not serious about it.
I have joined a scottish dating website and had a few genuine people so far, until i tell them that i am a size 20. I actually turned a date down for coffee with a good looking guy because I was fatter than him. He was still gorgeous. I told him that he should be going out with the young chikky babes while he was still hot. I said that he had plenty of time to go out with the old bags like me once he lost all of his hair and his teeth fell out. He thought that was funny.
I invited an old man aged 71 to join us today at the Supper Club because he winked at me online two days ago. We are meeting at the cafe clubhouse every Saturday so I invited to come and try to find someone who was just as old as he is. He is too old for me.
You see the labels we put on ourselves? Too old, too fat, too ugly - it is misconceptions like this that make the world go round. The theme of my week has been letting go of labels. Putting people into a box for the sake of working out what to do with them and a way to treat them, means we miss out on so many great opportunities to meet other people.
I want to meet people who don't want to live with labels.
I don't want to label anyone any more.
