Dammit, why can't Marilyn Monroe stay dead?..

I bet he's shit at golf though...

When your neighbours hot wife pops round to ask if she can borrow some sugar...

I don't know what the hell kind of exercise this is but damn, I'm in!!!

Me, when the missus serves me up a macaroni cheese pie for my dinner...

Of course, it's quite hard to concentrate on your morning coffee when the grim reaper is watching your every move...

When you confuse the anal bleacher for the hairdryer...

When the toilets are outside the venue and you have a wookie's finger poking out your brown growler...

Eventually someone found the remote for the electrified butt plug and managed to switch it off...

She regretted being a week late with my birthday hand shandy...

There's nothing quite so ego boosting as the wife putting on the tiny hand gloves before getting to work...

When the man on the train beside me cracks open a jar of pickled mussels and starts eating them with his fingers...

When your take out pizza tastes of anchovies and you only ordered a Margherita...

Me when my daughter's homework website asks me to install ADOBE FLASH!?!

That feeling when you finally perfect the microwave timings for your homemade watermelon vagina device...

Sir, did you eat your wife?...

Never go to a lady who wears an exploded Badger on her head no matter how sexy her ears are...

Me, when the wife gave me flowers instead of a Gibson Guitar for Valentine's...

Patrick Swayze ain't foolin no-one, he's definitely had a nose-job...

I wish cats were a little more digestible...