I was listening to the radio one sunny afternoon when I heard a jingle about condoms as protection bla blah. I think I was 13 or 14 years old then. I began to wonder what protection they were talking about, so I decided to ask my Mom when she got back from the studio that night. You won't believe how she warned me never to say such word again, she was so angry at me asking where I heard the word what I need it for and so on. She told me to go and read my book and never ask such nonsense again. I was confused but I didn't bother to say anything anymore.
Few months after that, I was trying to arrange an old shelf of books when I came across a book talking about STI, I started reading the book and there were lots of pictures about the different infections but there was a particular word that didn't leave my memory and I didn't know what it means. So, the inquisitive me went to my Mom and asked her the meaning of ejaculation. That day, she became so angry for reasons I don't know.
It was as if I did something sacrilegious. She shouted at me and threatened me with my next result. After that day, I made up my mind never to ask or discuss anything with my mother again.
The fear she created in me helped my abuser to have a hold of the naive me. He knew I was very afraid of my mom. This abuser was our trusted pastor. My parents loved and respected this man so much and trusted him on spiritual matters. They believed he would help deliver me from always falling sick and he used it to his advantage. He would touch me in places he shouldn't and warn me never to tell anyone, that if I do, he would kill me.
At times he would say sweet things like I'm special and i need a special man of God like him to protect me, I saw hell but couldn't tell anyone. My mom would never even create an avenue for discussion with her daughter or ask personal questions. Mother didn't know when I started menstruating neither did she call me to tell me all I needed to know as I mature into womanhood, there is no relationship of a mother and child between us.
I didn't know what to do at times but instead of me to go to my mom I go to my friends. I could ask her for anything else but couldn't bring myself to talk about my pains and fears. I cried in silence for years before I became free after the death of my evil pastor.
After these experiences, I concluded that when I have kids, I will be their best friend. I will make them trust me to relate anything with me. I will never allow anyone to abuse them because I'll always be here for them. I have a boy and a girl now and my five year old son tells me everything. We talk all the time and I never get tired of his talks. He tells me about his friends, classmates, teachers and everything that happens in school.
I also tell him about my day at work. I make sure to remind him everyday of my love for him and he never feels threatened about anyone or anything. He is very confident and respectful. I never trust anyone with my kids. I protect them with all of me.
In a nutshell, what I'm trying to do as a parent now is to give my children the opportunity I never got as a child to be able to express themselves to me as their mother and to give answers to all their questions regardless of the topic.
Inspired by hive learners community topic 'As a Parent'
Thanks for reading.
