Okay you don't need to panic it will be fine, just fine.
Everything is good, why are you panicking.
Okay keep panicking.
I hate what I see, and I hate what I do.
I hate what you've done, but damn if I don't love you.
It kills me, I hate it. I know that it's true.
But God damn it why did it have to be you?
You drive me crazy and you exist where I can't reach.
You're out of my league and beyond my reach.
And I recognize this and it kills me.
You were never meant to be mine.
I'm obsessed with the thought, I'm obsessed with the love.
I can't let go but it's the past and I know damn it that I shouldn't hold on and it's killing me.
Damn it why did it have to be you?
Why.
My only question, why?
It always comes back to why.
Why is it when I look at your face I want to cry?
Why is it when I see you I want to die?
I want to be alone.
I don't want to feel this way, I never did.
It what sucks about it all.
It's just every time I see your stupid face you're happy, you're always happy.
You're happy with out me, but I'm not happy without you.
I cry over something stupid constantly.
I obsess.
I worry.
And I fuck up.
I always fuck up.
It's always my go to, I just choose to always fuck everything up.
It's just what I do best.
I always look around to the same process.
The same thoughts.
The same actions.
It's a constant in my life that I can't escape.
That's the sad reality of it all, I can't escape.
You exist in my mind, you exist in my dreams.
You exist everywhere that i can fucking see.
You are in my art, you are in my mind, you are in my heart and I can't be blind.
But yet I am.
I recognize this pattern, and I realize what I'm doing.
And I know that I keep going through the same damn cycle that I introduced myself too.
The same cycle, the same endless torment.
Still.
It comes back to you.
It always comes back to you.
It's the same consistent lie I tell myself.
That I'm fine.
That I'll be happy, that everything will be great.
Sigh.
I don't know what to do.
I don't.
I never did.
That's the problem with me right?
I never do.
I've gone crazy thinking about you, and I have no right to love you.
I never did.
You were beyond me, haha.
But still here I am.
A mess.
This cycle even now is progressing to the same thought.
You.
It's just, always you.
💻busy beta 🖥
✏📝
