Nikki and her sister, Li walked through the mall admiring all the beautiful pieces they could see in there (which didn't necessarily catch their attention) when she suddenly spotted a cute pair of sneakers and went “Wow”. “This will look so good on you, Li. “you think so?”, the sister asked. Nikki has always been seen as the one with the eyes for all things cute and beautiful by most of the people around her but she really has never seen her self in that light. Well, not as much as they do see her…
They took a close look at the shoe to see if it was in her size but it was a size bigger so they requested the shoes in her size which luckily was available in the store, the sneakers were brought and Li went ahead to try it on. “You have to buy this!”, Nikki said. “Yeah, it really is a nice pair, I really do like it. I wonder how you were able to spot it, I would have easily passed by it”. The excitement and thrill of buying that shoe was showing all over Li's face. “She must be thinking of different ways to style up these shoes”, Nikki thought.
They walked through the mall, saw a lot of things, picked a few things and went over to make the payment and just before Li handed over her credit card, with a hint of seriousness in her voice, she asked her sister, “are you sure the sneakers look good on me?” “Yeah, why?”, her sister answered, “Didn't you feel comfortable when you wore it or you don’t like the design?”. “Of course, I did and I love it, I just thought it would stand out a bit ”.
Li paid for their purchases and they walked out of the mall, with Nikki deep in thoughts. Her sister noticed it but she is very much used to Nikki's mood swings so she just let her be.
“Would you have really returned the shoes if I said it didn't fit? I mean, you were quite excited about it”. “yeah, I would have”. Nikki wondered how many times she has somewhat hindered people around her from truly being true to themselves thanks to them asking for some sort of validation (hidden under “just hearing your opinion”) from her about certain things. This too would have easily passed by unnoticed but today seemed to be one of those days when she is fully aware of her actions and things going on around her.
They reached to where they had parked the car and got into the car and while Li drove, Nikki was pretty much deep in thoughts about the idea of how much our opinions and thoughts often times stands in the way of people embracing their own true self and enjoying what they love. And how people have often sought to be “approved” in some way by her. Even though she always seems to be the one spreading the word about “living on your own terms” and not seeking people’s approval, she was quite oblivious about the fact that people were somewhat seeking approval from her.
She remembered this certain time she went out for lunch with a friend of hers and while her friend was going through the menu she saw a dish which she loved, she seemed excited and her eyes were literally lit by it. And when Nikki said “do people really eat that, it tastes really horrible”, her friend opted for another which was something almost every normal person would tag “nice”. She recalled similar situations where people were somehow seeking for her own approval about one thing or another regardless of their own thoughts or feelings and she was wowed at how many they were. “It's crazy how I preach about living your own truth to people around me and I almost always end up feeding their quest for validation and living a lie”, she thought.
Nikki grew up to be a girl independent of what people think or actually feel about her which was, in fact, different from her two siblings, which oftentimes give much thought to conforming and living some sort of “acceptable” lifestyle. And while that has changed, Nikki still feels there is probably a hint of that in the air, around her siblings.
Her brother will always caution her though, about how she gives no chance to other people’s thought or conforming to rules sometimes. He would tell her that while living by your own rules is cool, too much of it gives off an arrogant vibe plus makes one prone to making mistakes. And she really has made a few of them. “But really, there is a huge difference between hearing and assessing people's thought about you and taking them into consideration, and losing yourself thanks to wanting to conform to other people's standard. And there happen to be a really thin line between hearing people's thought and forcing one’s self to conform to it”, she thought. She has over the years tried to give other people's thought about her a chance and reevaluate them which has helped create some sort of balance.
That day, she realized that even through the little choices people tend to make, they somewhat seek for our approval and we sometimes are oblivious to that fact, simply because we are not really present, we end up imposing our own standards without willing to or even realizing what we are doing. And instead of helping, we stand in their way of being true and truly living. She learned in a new way to not only tell people to LIVE but also to let them LIVE
She figured that more than just saying her opinion, it was asking how they felt or thought about that particular choice of clothing, food, way of life or even a degree. Because really, that's the only validation one needs. And even though asking her sister how she felt and what she thought was merely a coincidence, that coincidence taught her much.
Much Love — Audrey❤
