Yesterday I was supposed to go to a party with my two best friends, I was exited and preparing my clothes to lift some eyebrows, but one of them called us saying that she couldn’t go because of extra work, I started feeling sad at that moment, but it wasn’t the end of the world. Some hours later my other friend called me saying he couldn’t come either, without giving me any explanation, in fact, he didn’t even call, it was just a text message.
I was feeling horrible knowing that my best friends didn’t have time for me, I was feeling less loved by the second even though I knew that was not the case, but I couldn’t think clear, I just wanted to be with people.
I started calling everyone trying to get someone to go to the party or maybe have some dinner with me, but everyone already had plans that didn’t involve me, which made the wound bigger.
In this cold winter weather its already cold enough outside to be cold inside. I wanted, and still want, some cuddles and laughter.
I started missing the days when I could just drink my problems away, but thanks to the drugs I’m taking my days of drinking alcohol are over. I was really tempted though.
Feeling horrible I called my partner, but he wasn’t picking the phone, it has been a long time since we speak, and I sincerely couldn’t handle it anymore, I couldn’t keep it together, so I called him because the internet at his house hasn’t been working for a long time, I called him even though it was expensive, I called him because I needed him, but he didn’t pick up the phone.
At the moment, I still don’t know his excuse, and I don’t know how is our relationship going to go on like this, but that’s a story for another time. Right now I’m talking about how I was feeling lonely and unloved because my friends weren’t there for me.
I was feeling like a piece of trash that no one could love. I tried to watch a movie but I only kept on crying.
I thought I was going to cry the whole night, but, while looking at the cold snow falling through the window, I realized two things.
First, that there wasn’t any problem with me, if people didn’t want to love me it wasn’t on me, it was on them. I couldn’t go back to the days when I pretended to be something I’m not just to be liked. Those days were awful and are now in the past for a reason, and going back to them would be worse for me than not being love by anyone.
I also realized that just because someone wasn’t there this time didn’t mean that they didn’t loved me. It just happened to be an awful coincidence that all my friends had plans, but that didn’t mean they didn’t love me.
After recognizing these two things I started to feel better, but not quite well again. I was feeling lonely, and I didn’t like that, made me sad; the problem was though, that there wasn’t any problem. No one likes to feel lonely, some people just deal with it better, the problem wasn’t all on me, I was giving my best to feel better.
Sometimes we feel lonely, and no one likes that. Some people know how to deal with it, some people don’t, some people drink, some people cry, and that’s alright.
We all feel lonely sometime, but there is always someone that loves us, and is important to know that, and after crying a little, I remember them, I stand up, I stop crying and go on, because we can’t let sadness and loneliness beat us.
We are loved.
