My secret is that I allowed my friend to kill himself, and everyone thinks I tried to save him. The reality is that I thought he was joking. He was always overly dramatic, not in a gay way but in a emotional teenager way. This would have been back in the mid 2012. Apparently he'd called up a few of our mutual friends* in the previous few months threatening suicide, but this all came up after the fact. I had no idea. Evening of he calls me up, sobbing and swearing, telling me he's going to kill himself. I had no idea he was depressed or suicidal, and was also a bit high and so intelligent me responded "Well you've always wanted to be on TV." A few more sobs and he hangs up. I think nothing of it.
The next day news spread all over the school that he'd hung himself, and I was feeling pretty sick, figuring that it couldn't have happened long after our conversation. I was called into the principals office, pretty much fearing that I'd be imprisoned for causing this and this guys parents were there, obviously crying their eyes out. I just kinda sat and waited to be torn a new one. They told me that they found his phone nearby and a call to me shortly before was in the history. I froze, waiting for something to happen, for someone to yell. No one did.
His mum, and then his dad came up and hugged me and sobbed onto me, stepping back to profusely thank me and praise me for talking to him and trying to be there for him, for being such a good friend and staying on the line. Through their teary eyes I could tell that they totally believed I had done good by their son. So I lied, and said that I did everything I could and I'm sorry I couldn't have done more.
I've been telling that lie ever since.
*This only came out after his death, actually at his funeral wake. At the funeral it was mentioned quickly by a family member that I'd helped right at the end and thank you. Afterwards, a few of his and my mutual friends came up and explained how he'd called them up out of the blue in the past few months also.
Share your secret fellas
