My inspiration is currently in the trenches, and it significantly dropped for the last few months. The summer was exceptionally hard on me this year. In average I hate summer and I wish that the spring lasts forever. Some of my peers that suffer allergies will tell me to shut up but I don't care, we all have our own demons. In my cases it is the summer. It is just way too hot for anything. And to make things worse, this summer in particular my air conditioning decided to die on me. Neither me or my folks know how to fix that thing, and buying another one in the rented apartment is out of the question. During the pandemic nobody wanted to come and fix it either, and we could only buy brand new. We acquired one mobile air conditioning, it helped but not too much. In fact it doesn't cool at all, it just blows wet air.
To make this summer exceptionally hard, the providence decided to put me in the hospital a few times, so the beach joys had to wait while my folks were getting grays if I am going to make it or not. But I didn't give up the ghost, it was just painful, and it could be worse.
I was always thinking positive and that life will become better, but it just became harder. I don't know where from those ugly things crawl under to pester me. The moment I believe all things are great and dandy, somehow it all end up in shits.
I have other things that bother me and my life in general was never a fairy tale - but those everyday challenges and small disappointment silently stacked up on on top of another, and polluted my imagination, creativity and inspiration.
Now I am a shadow of my creative self. How do you deal with this?? I know this must sound ridiculous to you that somebody who just got lucky and escape the spade is talking about creative inspiration - but I can't live just to breathe the air. And, trust me, you will never feel more alive, than when you are about to die. And you don't even think about dying anymore, you just think about all the things you didn't do.
