I will be celebrating my 31st birthday this year. Three decades felt as if they passed in a jiffy! It’s like magically things around me are getting smaller and older. I cannot feel myself getting old. Well, I do feel mature. I have started understanding a lot of things, like why Greg had to die. I now understand why Daddy left us without a word and why Mommy had locked herself up inside her room.
Life is a great teacher I suppose. With every sunset, the day leaves us with a new lesson. Little things in life add up to our experiences. The wrinkles on my Granny’s cheeks are her lines of experiences; her gray hairs are her reward. Everybody lives their share. I have lived through a large part of my share.
Greg left us when I was 8. He was hit with a car on a Sunday afternoon. We were playing ‘pass the ball’ when our ball rolled down the street while I tried to pass it to Jack. Greg being the eldest had to fetch the ball and so he went. A moment later, we heard a loud screeching car brakes. There, underneath a yellow car, Greg lied in a pool of blood; lifeless and cold. That day life gave me a very important lesson, the lesson of it’s unpredictability. Losing Greg wasn’t as hard as living those days that followed. Greg’s death ended his life but not our relationship. I kept him alive. I started sharing my days to him in a diary that I named after him. And yes, it would help me cope with every guises of pain. Even now, Greg lives with me through everything.
I loved writing songs and singing them to Mommy. Times were really hard for Mom after Dad left her for another woman. They would fight every night. They would always quarrel for no reason. Maybe they couldn’t accept the loss of their first child, deep inside, they would blame themselves for his death. One day, Dad left for work and never came back. They said that he lives with another woman and has a little girl. Mommy wouldn’t come out of her room. She would sit there, staring at the walls or out of her window. I couldn’t read her then. Once, I wrote a song about my Boney, it was my very first song. I went to her room, and sang the song to her. That was when she smiled for the first time in forever. That day, I learnt another lesson of life, the lesson of life’s purpose. I figured that my purpose in life was to sing and through my songs, fill people’s hearts with cheerfulness. I perused singing and today I have sold half a dozen albums. I find contentment and joy in doing it and maybe people can hear it in my songs. Even though I am not among the most successful ones but I am happy and I am satisfied.
They say ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. Yes, life crushed me into pieces, never killing me, and I grew stronger. My life was never a highway to heaven; I would say, to a certain extent our life is an enthralling roller-coaster ride, there are many ups and downs, enlivening moments and some that make your heart sink. I have had a bucket of complaints, a bunch of regrets. But this way or that our life has to go on and on. Sometimes life makes you the pilot to your plane, sometimes it makes you feel like a bubble in a sea, silent and itinerant in the water, unaware of the destiny. The most important life lesson that I have learnt is the lesson of change and instability. Life isn’t stable, but just imagine how unexciting and monotonous it would be to get up and live the same way every day, to have the same food and to perform in same manner. I have grown because I have changed. This anticipation for an unknown future makes us want to live for another moment and many more moments. Trust me, life is a wild ride; enjoy the ride at this moment because no one knows what the future holds.
That's all for today.
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