Hi, I am Arveno from Surabaya city. In this content i want to share about what happened to our daughter that made me need to terminate her during pregnancy. Warning this is kinda sad story and maybe disturbing for some people. But, i think i need to share that maybe people can knowing more and avoiding this happened and if this happened here the felt and what need to do. But, disclaimer this is from my POV.
My daugther diagnose Anenchepaly this is defect that made my daughter does not have major portion of the brain. And in my daughter case she does developing brain a little and then not the skull. Even though the heart beat strong and all just healthy. But, without skull and fully developed brain, her life is in danger after delivered. After goes to 3 different Obgyn Doctor. All doctor said the same things that my daughter cannot be fixed. And 2 out of 3 doctor said that it is better to terminate the pregnancy before she goes bigger and hard to be terminate. At first, i still dont believe it and want to hold her until reach 5 months pregnancy who knows that miracle will happened and made my daughter can developed her brain fast. But, turns out that the fact about this defect is almost 80% fixed and still until born.
Sorry if this picture really disturbing. But, yep my daughter born almost similar with this picture. So, our final decision is I will bear all the sin of killing our daughter by made the decision about terminate the pregnancy. My considerations at that time is I prefer to save my wife first since who knows if God allowed we are going getting another kid again in the future. The second my son still a baby and i think if something happened to my wife it would be really hard for me and my son. Second, the survival rate after birth is below 5%. 2 out of 3 doctor said that after born the survival rate is just for 3-4 hours until she got infected after contaminated with air that filled with bacteria and virus. And if considered at survive, it wont be long until growing adult. It really hard to take care baby that having anonchepaly defect. And the third, it is from my POV first. I will feeling more guilty if she born first and then die. And turns out that my wife also agree with me this time. And yeah until right now i write this content. My heart still hurt so bad. I still remember carrying my little daughter after birth and i waiting until she breathed his last breath before doctor called the time of death.
And yeah since it terminated after born she just having several minutes until out of breath and gone. Then I decided to cremate her with help from my parents and then we are carried away her ash in the sea near my house that connected with the place that i posted yesterday.
The truth about this defect, it is just randomized. It is like cancer. No one knows how to get this, and no one predict about this. All 3 doctors just said that my wife lack of folic acid. But, the doctor also said that this could happened to anyone. Many factor that can make this defect including luck too since all doctor already know that my wife already consume high folic acid. But, rest assured this kind of disease is kinda rare in Asians. So, if this ever happened to you guys. Dont be panic, just accept it and learn how to let go the hurt feelings. I know its hard. Even until right now i still cannot make this experience as a joke. Whereas many people said that if we can make peace with the past we can made joke about it. Then i still not make peace about this one. It still hurt so much after almost 2 years happened. My wife can do better than me even though she bear the heartbroken twice than me since she is the one who carrying and feel the baby when moving around inside her belly. And truthfully i still afraid that if my wife pregnant again in the future, it could happened again and i am still trauma. Even though i dont restricting to have any children, but deep down in my heart i am still afraid to have another kid.
So, thats my bitter story about my daughter. Hopefully you guys dont need to experience like what i did.
