“Robert, is life a single force and each of us are just an atom from it, children of that force?”
“In a sense you are asking whether there is one mother soul. I don’t know Kiris.”
Kiris let us sense he’d been misunderstood. “Is life not a primary force that even souls must be the children of?”
He was shocked and just a bit proud of himself - and afraid. “What kind of questions?”
I felt giddy. “For one, it could change our ideas about Arthur.” Robbie looked at me with surprise. Cherine grabbed hold of my hand, so I spoke directly to her. “He hopes to use his soul to create us. What if the entire universe is made of the force of life? What if life is capable of growing through the growth of souls? What if he is only the instrument of that force, creating a new universe or Symban for the excess force in his Symban? Perhaps he is only one of many such instruments, for surely the force would not rely on one solution to provide for its growth?” I laughed, my imagination delighting me, for I love playing with it. “Angel, what if magic is only a method of tapping into the lifeforce? Angelica, just imagine, you might have a key to the force of life itself!” I took Cherine’s face in my hands, my mind burning in a fever. “What if you are a different kind of instrument of that force. Imagine this, strife, hate, anger, all the negative feelings, would they not be a disruption within the force? Would not such a force search for harmony between its atoms or motes? Perhaps it is necessary for such harmony to be achieved for the force to grow.”
I was not the only one overawed and shaken by my speculations. All the species became so agitated and argued my ideas and questions with so much excitement that Kiris nearly forgot the request he’d come to make. Most of what was being said was beyond Nericha, so she had the presence of mind to remind him.
“Robert, all five species owe much to the man who wrote the book. He has died with the pain of seeing his people turn away from the truth. Could we not return to his moment of death and bring him back to become a Cherinian?”
“I don’t know. Surely it is up to the Robert and Cherine of this reality to make such a decision?”
Kiris cringed. “I am not worthy Robert, there are others here who are so much wiser and worthier.”
Robbie laughed. “Did you imagine I am wise or worthy? Kiris, in many ways you are smarter than me. Perhaps the force of life chose you?”
“But I cannot travel in time.”
“Only because you still fear becoming who you are. I’ll help with Rapperten since that is what you wish, but you must also make time available for me to train you. What if Nericha died, you would not return to bring her back, you would complacently wait for our next visit? All Roberts are ultimately responsible for their own Cherinians and their own Cherines.”
We could only estimate how long Rapperten had lived from his writing, so we’d jump forward, Robbie would visit, make a new estimate and we’d jump again, until we jumped past his death. Samuel jumped to find out his exact date of death and we returned to collect his soul and create him a new body. His joy at seeing all the species alive and with the Cherinians was indescribable. He quickly was accepted among them as a kind of patriarchal figure and the Kabetu pleaded for him to return to their world with them. Robbie, once again, had to intervene and refuse. Has any other species had their requests or wishes refused as often by him? At least we sense they never feel bad when he does.
“None of you will speak of what you have learnt. Though it will be difficult for you to keep all we’ve learnt a secret, remember that you have gained, for you now have a great dream to inspire you, so it will be worth the sacrifice. Help your people grow, see to it that your society evolves according to the gestalt personality of your species. The Arim-se-Binud are dead, part of the past for now. Only once your people have evolved as Kabetu, may you look to the past to accept whatever was good. We’ll return many times to be at your side and help where we can. Rapperten will stay with us until it is time for your people to learn about the Cherinians and he can then join you on your planet. My girls have made a start with your females. It is now up to you and those few females who are Cherinians to help the rest become Cherinians. It is important, for you must form your own Worlds and have your entities.”
Cherine laughed. “You must be a Kabetu Robert, not a Terran Robert. You have a different way of helping your people and you must not try to become like my Robert. Follow your own dreams Kiris, for I believe in them. Lead your people by creating the institutions that will raise them towards Cherinianism without them fearing the unknown. Start with those you can and work to open the children to our dreams. If you like, speak of the book as being true, but do not try to prove it.”
We stayed a further two months to ensure Kiris did not give up on his plans, such as his tourist project. An agreement was hammered out with regard to offices representing them on all Cherinian Earths and for the other alien planets who want to send tourists. Personally, I spent more time with Niriki so that when we leave she understands it is not because of any lack of love. We had a grand party in Freddie and then we said our farewells.
“I don’t think we should go about it the way we usually do. When we arrive we should only tell them about the book, quote parts of it and when they are interested in Rapperten himself, we introduce him. Only once he no longer is in the news, we then tell them the rest and introduce them to the other four species.” I had no argument with Claudia’s suggestion so I kept quiet as they discussed it.
Candy surprised us with what she feared. “Every time we return we tell them of something new. I wonder how long it will take for them to lose interest and not even ask.”
Robbie laughed. “Sweetheart, you might as well ask when will people say all the stories have been written and all the movies made and stop reading or watching movies. Wendy, when will we say that all the music has been written and is only a repetition of what already exists? After all, there are only such a limited number of notes.”
“Never!”
“Claudia, I like your idea, but not exactly as you suggested. We let them have Rapperten for three days at the most and then we tell the rest of the story. We’re going to drive them crazy with all the paradoxes we keep causing.”
Dommi grinned. “Does anyone recall how scared Roberto was of causing time to change and realities to split?”
“That was before Arthur let us know we are the prime reality.” Bernie said, sticking up for him.
“We still should remain cautious. Talking about our old ideas, has anyone thought about the conclusions I jumped to about Samantha when she was born and when we learnt about Le’sase? By the time we reach that time, she should be closer to a thousand years old. Who would have imagined!”
I kept quiet about my previous thoughts on the subject since I’m certain I was wrong, but I was amused at giving them something to tease me with. “I can hardly imagine myself twenty years old, never mind a thousand. I’m eleven and will always be eleven.” They did not disappoint me, Candy was the only one not teasing me. Maybe she feels that she lives in a glass house?
Rapperten is not a soft spoken old man (our healers did not give him a young body when he was brought back to life, because they sensed he thinks of himself as elderly and considers it more dignified. We’ll rejuvenate him as soon as he wishes to change). He has a sharp tongue and little patience for fools. He told us that having to watch the ridiculous changes in his people that came about because of what he considered cowardice, has exhausted his patience. We worried about what he would say in public, but with them he played the role of a sweet old man. Hearing him described as a wise and gentle and very dignified gentleman, proved to us that he is a politician and we should be careful of whatever concessions he tries to gain from us. The reason I make a point about it is because he does not approve of us leaving or setting Kiris as the Robert of his people. He only seems to see the commercial aspects and does not admit to Kiris having any other talents or mental or moral assets. Having read his book, I find it difficult to reconcile this arrogant and narrow-minded person with the writer of the book that stirred such strong feelings.
As soon as his tour ended, we announced the presence of the other four species and brought their leaders to meet our governments. The public had already spun a romantic vision of them and they went haywire, never getting enough of seeing them on their screens or reading about them. For once I felt they showed an extraordinary maturity, for their favourite was my favourite: Gargid of the Fiur species. Perhaps I like them so much because they have most of the qualities the other species share, but they have a stronger sense of humour. They also have a practical streak to them which is refreshing after spending hours with the Brobesk who are dreamers. I can understand carnivores needing a practical streak but, why a well developed sense of humour - or has the one got nothing to do with the other?
I’ve just become aware of a secret of Robbie’s. During our previous returns to Earth, when he kept disappearing for so many meetings with politicians, while I made jokes about it and teased him, without me knowing, he had been protecting me. For many of those meetings they had asked for me and he’d told them I was not available and offered himself. On one of his solitary walks I jumped to him and told him I am aware of what he’s done for me. He could feel the love in me and understood that my offer to handle all further meetings was dictated by my heart.
“I don’t like the idea of you going to those meetings Sam. They must understand that our Samantha is only available for those times we have special problems.”
“That’s arse-backwards! You are the leader, not me!”
“Not in my heart.”
“In my heart you are the leader and always will be. Take some time off for painting or being nice to our loves, I’ll handle the meetings.”
“How did you find out?”
“It became obvious.” It shows what a high opinion he has of my deductive processes, for he accepted my argument without questioning it for all of that day. By the time he woke up, I’d taken over the meetings and I fobbed off any further questioning along those lines.
Gina jumps to the Jina reality whenever she can, to use her healer on them and spend time with those she still loves. Sometimes she takes one of us with, sometimes, two, but often she goes by herself - with Vincent watching her in the background. We presume that everywhere Vincent goes, so does Kirsten, for she is never with us when he is not. It does frustrate us at times for, as girls, we would like to have time alone with her to chat.
The United Nations Health Organisation asked for a Cherinian to examine a man in Bombay. The Cherinian did so and then jumped to us.
“When the woman wrote again and he resumed his typing, the story did not continue from where it ended. It seems the story continued within his mind and he resumed typing from wherever he currently was in the story. The man does not know how to read and write and seemingly is incapable of concentrating on anything outside of the stories he is living. Yet, for some reason he has fixated on the social worker, for when others type at her computer he ignores them. This suggests to me that somehow he is using her mind to type his story. Robert, they had her type for three hours, just copying text from a book. The part of the story he typed is a complex story of incredible beauty. The problem is, even if he stops to eat or urinate, when he returns, the story resumes further on and a gap is left, represented by his absence.”
Of course Meli had to go with Robbie. She returned and packed a bag with some clothes, took some money, a food machine and jumped. Her daughter Cassie, explained, “She has gone to learn the language so that she can read what he writes directly.”
Robbie confirmed what we’d been told and then he said that the social worker translated the text for Meli and him, reading out the forty pages he has written. He admitted it is beautifully written and has touched him deeply. We still share from Meli and we are worried, for we sense she has locked away her own stories and is concentrating on learning as fast as she can.
Within two days Meli could converse, not well, but she could make herself understood and understand what is said to her. She memorised the entire Indian dictionary, so she knows the words, but still strugglesd to use the correct idioms and grammar. She read the text, and the further episodes written in the meantime and then she jumped to us.
“Dommi, I need you to help me. I cannot find the part of his mind that is dreaming his story.”
“What are you planning?”
“I want to share with him so that I can write for him.”
Cherine sounded stern. “You can’t stay for days or weeks on end within his mind Meli. We need to work out a plan. If Dommi can find the dreaming part of his mind, why not have a number of Cherinian volunteers share with him so that no one needs to stay longer than half an hour? They can then share with those who type or they can type what they shared.”
We could sense how troubled Meli was. “Robert, what if he is the extreme of what I am? Perhaps he is not an idiot as everyone thinks. What if he is so involved in his stories that he cannot free himself at all? Could that be why the Sparklers did not heal his brain?”
His first book has been published and it is an international best seller. Everyone is raving about it, for not only is the prose beautiful, every time it is re-read, further nuggets of wisdom are found. Cherine was right, but even her conservative approach was not conservative enough. Dommi and Cherine found his dreaming mind and it was found that sending one mind at a time was not enough. Even ten minutes of sharing the dream overwhelms the mind with the richness and wealth to be written. They now send in five minds at a time, none of them staying longer than fifteen minutes and needing at least a full day or even two to interpret what they shared for it to be put into words. The next five are sent in so that for a minute ten minds are sharing, for everyone fears the time of changeover could lose them a tiny part of the dream.
There is not one minute of the day or night that his dreaming mind is not attended by five other minds while a team of over four hundred Cherinian writers write whatever was shared. The dreamer is kept at peak health by Cherinians who monitor him all around the clock and the Indian government has declared him a national treasure. Before the book was published, Meli was asked by the Indian government to read and edit it. She often calls for the mind that shared a particular passage for her to share the dream directly so as to find the words to express what was truly meant. She insists it is costing her nothing of her own stories and to the contrary inspires her.
We do have a big ethical problem. Do we help this man break out of his rapture with his dream state or do we allow him to tell his stories to the world and help him in the void once he dies? There are strong movements that support both options and we are caught in the middle. Because we helped him give his dreams to the world, they see us as being responsible for him. Some claim that because of what this man is gifting the world, we must not interfere. Others complain that his rights to live his own life are prime. From our side, we agree that his rights are prime, but also acknowledge that it is highly unlikely he will live a full life if we do change him. It makes more sense to allow him to contribute all he can for as long as he can and when he dies, we ensure that he is given a normal life to live. Ethically we may not be on firm ground, but whatever we do is not right. We cannot even apply the rule ‘what would he want’, for even that can be argued either way.
Meli asks why everyone feels he is not happy. To have the dreams he has, she insists his mind must be enthralled by realities that are far more vivid and with more obvious meanings than those of our reality. She claims that people are mostly upset that he cannot communicate with other people and projecting their own feelings, they feel sorry for him. In truth, as a poor man living in Bombay, how much richer would his life have been? Which sensory experience is he deprived of living in his worlds as he does? Friends? He has them. Natural beauty? His worlds are full of beauty that is sometimes unearthly and too fragile to exist in real life. If he were brought back to this world, though we build him a palace with exotic gardens, he would curse us for stealing heaven from him. She asked that if she is ever trapped in a similar way, that we leave her to live as he does. Even the idea of that happening unsettled all of us. Meli sensed that her wishes will not be honoured by us should it happen to her, but she did not react in any way.
Guiltily we went to visit the species we’d taken to the Spartan World and offered to start a search for suitable planets. They all three of them urged us to wait, as they are happy where they are, interacting with other species, learning a lot from each other. They have a lot of visitors of all species and even should there be a lull, they have the Spartans to exchange philosophies and debate their beliefs. For them it feels like heaven and all that is missing for life to be perfect for them, is the link. Robbie gently explained it is not time yet and they accepted his verdict without arguing.
We jumped to a different reality. It is time for the bubble Terrans to start training. We want those who can create explosions to learn how to control them while also teaching the others. An Earth that has little life and many areas with no life at all was chosen. We can repair what damage they cause to the appearance of the land and they cannot pollute the ecology since our species did exist here once upon a time, destroying the ecology with radiation - and there are too few of the bubble bombers to make a lasting impact.
When we allowed our volunteers to choose the children they adopt, we discovered an anomaly that pleased us. Of all the previous kids and of the current ones, for the first time we came across a boy and girl who clung to each other, refusing to be separated. Gently questioning them we found out they believe they are brother and sister. It could not be proved either way, but we found an Eqkee family happy to adopt both. We are keeping a closer watch on those two. Their names are Fintz (the girl) and Erfin (the boy).
When we returned to Earth and the media told the world of our new bubble kids and how many species have adopted, we had complaints from the public. Many of them insisted we should have offered them the opportunity to adopt. Robbie was not touched by their wish. He says, and he is right, the kids of that Earth cannot make their home on our planet and those who are asking to adopt should have adopted from the millions of children of our planet who need a home and love. Eddie saw to it that other Normals put forward Robbie’s feelings as their own, so there was no anger against us for what was said. Jade and Cassie came up with a convoluted scenario as a joke, which I find funny - because I think it might actually work if we tried it. They suggested the children up for adoption, in each reality, only be offered to prospective parents in all the other realities. I can just see banners reading ‘Don’t let them steal our children - quick, adopt a child of our reality now!’ Hmm, Lynda pointed out that if we tried it, everyone would ask to adopt a child from our reality, so that they can boast that they have a child from the Prime Reality.
Anne and Johan visited and announced their decision to marry. Her parents know and have given their approval. She grinned when she told us she believes they’ve decided to have another child. She understands their problems and that they still feel guilty about loving each other, so she hopes another child will serve to hold them together until the guilt fades.
We offered to hold the wedding anywhere they want and asked if they want Alki to perform the ceremony. They looked at each other and asked if they could perform the wedding somewhere that is special to both of them. They want to get married among the fairies. They felt the instant reaction of those who’ve been married since the fairies came into existence in Freddie, and knew they’ve scored big time. What a beautiful idea!
Very few non-Cherinians know that the children of Robert and Cherine from a previous life live here. They are hardly ever seen with us and when we go to them we disguise ourselves so as not to spoil the simple life they love. Our storerooms in Freddie already have everything we need to celebrate the wedding and we’ve only invited those who are closest to us. They have not invited any Normals and Andrew is coming on his own. Latreia came up with an idea we all love. Alki looked puzzled until he realised he can project himself. Since the wedding will take place among the fairies, Alki will also be a fairy (why is it that all pictures of fairies that I’ve seen are female? How are they supposed to propagate their species? I’ve read about a king of the fairies, but never seen his picture. If he is the only male…is his name Robert? How do they make love without crushing their wings? I can’t quite picture them making love while they fly).
Robbie converted the ship so that the deck is large enough for the wedding party and guests. He’s had to remove some of the gaming rooms, which provoked a lot of complaints until he reassured everyone he will replace them afterwards. He also had to reduce the cabins to make more space for the kitchen. It amused me to see the crew rushing around helping Robbie. The captain just stood watching with a frown, as if he does not approve of all the changes to his ship. The taverna has been decorated with flowers and lights (fairy lights?) and lots of tables and benches were added for us to have lunch. After Robbie’s coffees and smoke we walked down to the beach and jumped to the deck. Within a short time the paddle wheels turned and we left for fairy land. We only arrived at about eight that evening, but Freddie extended the daylight.
As we came close to the cliffs, we saw people flying towards us. Since all those invited were present, we worried whether a new problem had cropped up. As they drew near there was laughter. Peter Pan alighted and courteously bowed to Anne - pointedly ignoring Robbie.
Anne giggled. “Yes.”
He stared at Anne and Johan. “I see you are being married as adults. That means we are not allowed to have fun? This is a serious moment?”
Johan replied, “It is a serious moment, but it is also the happiest moment of our lives. We are glad you could come.”
The cliffs closed over us and as it grew darker we began to see the lights. Fairies flew to us and formed a ring above the bride and groom. They sprinkled glittery dust over them and sang them a song. One of the fairies flew over Peter Pan and sprinkled him also. He looked as if he were about to rise into the air to chase the fairy who was laughing at him, but Robbie gave him a stern look and he settled.
Alki had withdrawn long before arriving at the cliffs so we eagerly waited for him, trying to identify him among the fairies. A few muttered when we could not see him. When it became obvious there would be a delay, Robbie floated so that all can see him.
“My apologies, Alki seems to be detained. When Samantha wrote in the diary about our preparations, she wondered whether and how fairies make love. With so many beautiful fairies about I can only presume he decided to investigate on Samantha’s behalf.” Since everyone knows to what great lengths he’ll go just to tease us and since Marian was laughing, we knew he’d arranged the delay. On cue, Alki appeared.
All of us hid our grins. Alki is a bear of a man and putting wings on him did not make him look like a fairy - king or whatever. He was about a foot in height and wore his white robe, but it was decorated with flowers. A group of fairies swirled around him, their voices sounding like music. The rest of the wedding was the standard one we use, even to the words and vows. Chara and Hugh clung to each other so as not to spill any tears - that would be a first in the land of the fairies. Two of the fairies carried the rings to the couple and they had to extend a hand for the fairy to stand on it and leave the ring in their palm.
When the wedding was over, the crew rushed to place trestles and benches on deck, a buffet was placed to the side and tables with drinks occupied every corner. Only then did we realise the ship was not moving, that we were still in the center of fairy land. Robbie spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear.
“Johan, Anne, the fairies ask whether they may be part of the party. They will provide the music for us to dance to.” I wondered about all our preparations in a club at the top of one of the treehouses, but guessed Robbie transferred all the food and drinks. I watched Wendy and Candy, but they did not sing, only dancing, talking, eating, drinking and laughing with the rest of us. We did not recognise any of the music, but it was perfect for dancing to. When the ship moved and came out into the open area, we saw it is already the next day.
“Freddie is by Goldi’s planet. You will find that there is a house with your name at the gate. It has been stocked for you to enjoy a three week stay. I’ve also left a platform in case you are feeling too lazy to fly. Take a tour and enjoy yourselves.” He hugged Anne. “Precious granddaughter, I wish there was something even more special we could do for you to know how much you are loved. Johan, take care of our girl - and welcome into our family.” They hugged him and Anne and then they hugged her parents and others, including Andrew of course, and then they stepped into the platform.
None of us were in the mood to go to bed. We ended up at the taverna and only then did I notice that Peter Pan and his group were still with us. I looked at Robbie and he gave the Greek shrug as if to say, what can I do?
Agapi said, “Peter, I did not see you dance.”
He shrugged. “Why don’t I get a chance to visit the planet?”
Cassie sensed me and tried to change the subject, “Is Goldi’s planet our official honeymoon planet for our family and close friends?”
I called to Peter, “According to Cherinian rules nobody may be presumed guilty of something they have not done, even if they are thinking of doing it. Would you like me to take it up with our Council on your behalf?”
He blushed! “I think you better not Samantha. He has good cause. I promised to stay away from Stargard and he found me visiting them.”
Tinkerbell protested, “It wasn’t our fault! They wouldn’t let us leave. Stargard insisted Peter must fight him with his sword.”
Robbie does not create such scenarios for the benefit of others, that they enjoy them is good, but he does it for us. He knows the more realistic they are, the more we respond to them, as if such magic is real. Once all our guests had left (including Peter Pan), I pleaded. “How do you create the fairies and how do they sing so beautifully? I’ve tried to think of all the tricks you could be using, but nothing works. I know you haven’t got the talent to sing like them.”
He laughed. “It is so obvious you’ll hit your head against the wall when you work it out.”
I bumped my head against the wall. “There you are, I’m already hitting my head against the wall, now tell me your secret.”
“Our Samantha is giving up!?” He grinned. “How do you know what talents I have? As a matter of fact, how do you know what talents you have? There you are, I’ve given you a good clue.”
“Grr! I’m going to my apartment to think.”
He burst out laughing. “Come here sweetheart.” He held out his arms so I walked into them and was cuddled. “How well do you know yourself love? How well do you know Le’sase? What talents does he have that you don’t? Are those talents truly unavailable to you?”
I pulled out of his arms. “But…that means all the talents I’ve had in any previous life, I could borrow?”
“Ask yourself this, have fairies never existed? If they did, could you have been one?”
I could not sleep that night. Not only was I too excited, my imagination soared as I wondered at what knowledge and expertise I’d gathered in previous lives. If I was a doctor in one, even if the knowledge is out of date, I’d have it at my fingertips. What if I was a pilot in a starcruiser of some other species? Not only would I know how to pilot such a ship, I would also have all the knowledge of being that species. I soared with ideas and a hunger to start discovering all my-selves.
The next day I forced myself to think logically. I am not equipped for such a self-discovery tour, I need help. I jumped to my apartment and called for Leonidas. I explained to him and his excitement was obvious, but then he cooled down.
“Samantha, as far as we know, us Sparklers have never lived as different species, so I cannot speak from personal experience. Since we know it is possible for you, Le’sase being your proof, this idea of Robert’s is possible, but it might have an unacceptable price. Having shared from Solomon when he took Robert and Cherine back to their previous lives, I do foresee certain problems.” He sat down next to me and took my hand. “As far as I can tell, the knowledge you seek is not something bundled up and compartmentalised separately. It is part of the totality of the previous personalities. To take that knowledge and understand it, you would need to take within you that personality. How many such personalities could you merge with before you are no longer the Samantha you are today?”
“No tick love. I’ve had the idea for a long time, but I know my limitations. When you pushed to learn about the fairies I grabbed the opportunity and passed it on to you as a fact, hoping you would examine the possibility critically and either prove my idea or show me why it is impossible. I was so excited at the possibility that I did not even think of taking the obvious step you did. I think I was afraid of finding out it was just an impossible dream. Same as I once dreamt of gathering from other Roberts knowledge or talents they have that I don’t.”
“But that is possible. You could even use the Anadir helmet to learn whatever you want - now that they’ve adjusted it to suit our species,” I turned to him. “Do you mean it, you didn’t do it to laugh at me?”
“Oh love, I hate it when you prove Arthur right. He’s wondered so often whether our teasing could hurt each other and this time, that I was not teasing, but you thought I was, I’ve hurt you.”
“Not really.” I grinned. “It was a grand dream. Whether you intended it or not, I’m giving you a big tick anyway; as a trick it would have been brilliant.” He crushed me to him and I hoped my oxygen reserve would not finish before he let me go. Of course my loves thought it was hilarious after I shared with them. Hilarious but also sad, for they too wished it was possible. Not that it will stop them from teasing me. I could not, for the life of me, work out why they were extra loving of me for the rest of the day and that night, especially Cherine. Maybe my being stupid made it easier for them to love me. I hope not, or else I just might choose to become permanently stupid.
Robbie did warn me about my obsession with the fairies, as always when he wants to ram it home that he is being serious, he sat opposite me without touching. “You’ve watched the Northern lights and you’ve seen the beauty of fireworks. Do you know what the difference between you and a child of the Normals is? The child would see them and be filled with wonder and feel it has been a part of a moment of magic. You and all the Cherinian born never experienced that because you understand the why and how. There is one tiny corner where you can still find some mystery and magic - why do you insist on stealing that from yourself? The answer is simple Sam, let’s say you work it out or I tell you, how would you experience your visits there afterwards? You’d be examining the fairies instead of experiencing them. Is it worth it love?”
I hid behind my hair for a while. “You didn’t mention that I would also spoil it for all our loves. I’m sorry.”
He smiled, “For what? For being Samantha? I’m only asking you, for this once, to make a conscious decision to let it go. Someday you might have to run fairyland and then the true beauty for you will be in watching how others react to it.” I felt a slight sadness in him and looked at him. “You’re maturing my love. A few years ago you would have insisted on knowing.” Once he mentioned it, I was surprised that I’ve changed that much. Arthur, I’m sorry. I remember my telling you that you have to let your readers know or else they’ll think you cheated, but now I’m asking, if you know, please don’t explain, Robbie is right, we’d only spoil it for all my loves…and me.
Just like Jina’s financial oak tree, thoughts send out branches that lead to other thoughts that lead to other thoughts and so on. The comment about me maturing is something that pleases me, I think everyone likes to think of themselves as growing wiser. However, there is this little girl side of me that knows it wants to be Robbie’s little girl forever. If he ever matures in that respect I don’t know what we’ll do with ourselves. For all of us to be wanted as adult women, it means our relationship has to be redefined and I suspect we may gain in some ways, but in those ways that count we’ll be the losers. In a way it is ironic that we started off with him wanting us as little girls and we’d keep testing him, worried he might not want us as adult women. Now the shoe is on the other foot, in a manner of speaking, since it is we who now treasure being little girls and worry about him maturing and wanting us as adults someday.
