I have read both chapters - and let me get a few trivial matters out of the way before I comment.

First of all, your link for the other chapter is not Steemit, but to Steempeak...which means I have to open your home page and click there to read (I do not know why, but steempeak does not open for me). I was wondering why, since you posted on Steemit, why do you want to force your reader to another platform?

Regarding achieving perfection...as a writer myself, I know that it does not matter how many times I read what I have written. Even after the 20th time, I will still find errors and changes needed so that the reader can understand what I have written about. Do you not have a friend who can read and comment for you? They do not need to be professors of lit. Even just a middling knowledge of the language and grammar, plus an interest in what they are reading and it should suffice for them to point out some of what needs to be improved. Having said that, I did not see any such failures, so maybe you are able to 'read' your own writing with an unclouded eye.

One of the most important lessons I learnt about writing - do not over-think, just write. Even if it is not worthy to be recorded as part of your story, it opens the mind and like a stream undammed, the waterfall of words will carry you back into the magic of unveiling your story. It is easy enough to return to delete what you are not happy with - easier than waiting and hoping the right words will come at that time.

Last point. Thanks to going to your home page, I discovered @steemydave. That means that today has started off beautifully, with the discovery of two minds I envy for the magic they know of in their imaginings.

After the above, you still expect me to comment on your writing? Really?

:)

I have resteemed so that my few readers can see that I do appreciate the writings of those who excel.