I have never been a generous person (except with written words). If there's one flaw I need to work on, this is one of them. And what better time to change than the season of Lent, right?
As far as I can remember, there was an incident where an older sibling gave me some junk food. I don't remember much about the going ons but our eldest sibling suddenly reprimanded the one I was asking snacks from that I should not be given measly leftovers. And me being a tiny kid I was just happy to get anything but that incident stuck in my mind for some reason. See I can even remember bits of it until now. Haha.
What does my sibling mean? Even at that early an age that's the only time I got exposed to such a concept: That if one is to give something to someone it must not be out of selfishness or stinginess.
I am not ashamed to admit this anymore. Why? Because I am working on this evil trait. Yes it is not a good attitude to have at all.
For several decades I have only lived for myself, me me me. Everything was about me. But mostly as an adult this was magnified to how I would get more money and be rich. How I would get more customers. How I would get whatever else I wanted or needed.
Of course I knew I would never get everything I wanted. Yet I still only lived for myself all my life. Yes of course there were times I also thought about my parent or siblings but it's always just about me. Duh. haha. Everyone's like that, mostly.
The worst part of it all: I rarely gave alms. My thoughts then was: Lazy beggars don't deserve any of my hard-earned money or even other people's money! Especially when I experienced something with such a person some years ago, oh it just confirmed my mindset at the time.
All this changed since Lent 2023 when I finally repented of my sins and started to really get to know God more and more. By 2025 I was already able to give alms as much as I could, thanks to the Jubilee Year of Hope! Like, come on there was a time I didn't even think and just did it. There were moment when my old self would still rear it's ugly mindset but I pressed on.
Read this if you're interested to know part of my journey on almsgiving:
How to Reconcile Yourself to Give Alms to the Poor | Cómo reconciliarse para dar limosna a los pobres (ENG-ES)
Fast forward to last night, I was at a fast food resto waiting for my order. And because there were plenty of people of course it took longer than usual. And so while I was looking out to the street my thoughts drifted to how God is so good despite my selfishness.
Jolibee Super Meal
Poverty has many reasons. One may be because of other people, the other may be because of your own self or it can even be a combination of both. And so I was there, waiting, thinking of my poverty which I also caused. Finally got some money so of course I'll spend some on food first. The money I have now is out of my sibling's generosity.
I'm being hard on myself because lately I've been lazy and it's not leaving no matter what I do. And so it got to the point where I don't have any cash anymore and I'm using my credit card (which I rarely do because I abhor loans and credit). The moment I got real poor that's the only time I asked for alms from any family member. Yes I consider it begging because I should be working for myself but here I am working for the Lord refusing to have any source of income. Hahahaha. Pathetic really.
Anyway, the situation I put myself in became a source of this life lesson. I never thought I would learn anything out of it really. Even St. Paul said lazy people will not eat, or something. Been struggling with work for a few years now and this is just me forcing myself to get out of this rut I'm in. When you're down down down, there's nowhere to go but up.
As I was looking out into the busy street perhaps the Holy Spirit finally had the right moment to tell me something. I was thinking how my poverty made me appreciate God's generosity more. God is so good. I praise and glorify You Lord.
Philippine currency
Yes of course my sibling was kind enough to share some money but what if I didn't get any cash at all? What if even family and kin would treat me like I treated beggars? My excuse is I have an illness but still what if I didn't get any money when I needed to go to the hospital for check up?
Health problems can really be a burden for many people which is why I didn't want to ask for any amount until I was really out of resources. Like, nobody would buy anything from you just by posting something for sale online when you need cash ASAP. That's not how it works. Lol. At least for me it never works.
Anyway there I was, waiting, thinking, thanking the Lord. And He impressed it upon me that I can be generous too, the way He's been to me. I realized there's a part 2 of giving yourself to God. You truly need to give your entire self to others too. Not your money, not your resources, but yourself. Be generous with yourself to others.
And so there I was, kinda slow burn realizing that for most of my life I only wanted to be left alone. Yet I always wanted to get things for myself. No I don't even want to be hugged by anyone at all. I hate beso-beso (cheek kissing) and avoid it whenever I can. I'd rather people left me alone too. Therein lies the problem.
God shone a light on that, right there, that spot, at that moment. Ahuh. And I loved it.
For context I've been getting divine inspirations from all the praying, asking and adoring I've been doing. Let me give you an example:
One time last year I was complaining to the Lord on why I should even go to a monthly Catholic charismatic community gathering. I didn't really want to join that church organization back in early 2025 but God inspired me to be curious when I saw the invitation before a mass ended. So I attended some talks and voila! I became a reluctant member! Lol
And so there I was months later asking Him why do I need to be there when I don't even like charismatic shenanigans. No I don't even think I'd get anything out of it too! Actually I've been thinking of totally ghosting them or something but still I asked God why because my impression is He's not letting me quit it. Not that I can't but I'd rather follow the Lord's will, so there.
Adoration chapel of the Chapel of the Eucharistic Lord in SM Megamall. 😁
While praying, the answer suddenly came to me: "You're not there to get anything from anyone. You're there to give yourself to others." Mic drop.
I was like... whuuut? hahaha. Like, what the heck? I've never thought of doing that ever. Lol. As if I have anything to give anyone, right? What would I give them when I'm not even nice enough or whatever self-pity thoughts I could come up with. Of course I went and surprise surprise I had the best experience ever!!!
Since then I've learned that truly we humans were made for communities. No man is an island. The Lord did not make man to be alone that's why women came into existence. We are social creatures and thus we have to stop isolating ourselves from others.
The above narrative was what I consider the first level in terms of giving of self to others. Like, who the heck thinks of giving oneself to strangers, people you don't like or even someone you haven't met??? Well... guess who?
Any guess?
Who else but Jesus Christ! Best example ever in the whole human existence. Jesus our brother, is the firstborn of all creation. (Colossians 1:15) He loves us all so much that He even gave His life, everything about Him, to save us from our sins. That is generosity at it's finest! That's love!!!
WATCH: Why Did Jesus Have to Die the Way He Did?
Imho, the first level was my sharing of experiences with God, thoughts, learnings, etc., with a community. Below is the second level I realized last night and today about giving of oneself to others.
Oh I hear you. Some people cannot comprehend this. It took me almost my entire life so far before I could even think of such things. hahahaha. Thank You Lord for telling me about the 1st level!
Now how can we really give ourselves to others? By doing the following:
We don't need to be rich or smart and famous before we can help other people. All God asks from us is to be His hands and feet in this world. All baptized Christians are part of the mystical Body of Christ, the Church, after all.
It is not just material things that need to be given away, it has to be us too: our time, our energy, our ideas, our emotions, our bodies, everything.
There are so many people in need out there, not just in physical things of this world. People are starving for love and more. That's why we ourselves need to share whatever we can to others, just like Jesus did. Start giving and start living! Sacrifice is the key!
The best example of someone who've done this a lot is St. Teresa of Calcutta. Actually I finally understand why I kept seeing booklets and stuff about her last year. I learned that Mother Teresa was selfless. She gave herself to everyone she encountered. Ah such an admirable woman.
Oh that is the question, the most important question of all. Haha. This is why someone like me could not even fathom giving oneself to anyone. Going out of my comfort zone is not really something I prefer to do.
Now this is where we ask for God's help. We need God's grace in order to change ourselves. Without Him we're just gonna do all sorts of things to whoever or not even bother interacting well with anyone.
Because lately I'd rather spend time alone somewhere and just come out when I need to do stuff. Like, can I just pray, pray and pray? But life isn't like that.
I never thought I was selfish with myself before. Who thinks about such things? I didn't. Haha. Who knew I was being very stingy in sharing my humanity with others? If God didn't tell me I wouldn't have known.
Again, we were not made to be alone or living without any interaction with others. Humanity is a social group. We are meant to be in a community so we have to get used to it and improve ourselves. Selfishness will not help us progress.
Our family is broken that's why we're not really close to our relatives and each other. Sad huh? This is why I'm not used to be part of groups that meet and talk regularly. I don't really consider myself a social butterfly which is why I don't give much of myself to others.
This is the challenge I face now. Gotta get over myself and love others more. Haha.
Okay, I guess that's all I wanna say about generosity. Who would have thought it entails giving of oneself completely huh? Well obviously I never knew I should be doing it too. Lord help me get over myself. 🙏
So how's your Lent so far? Have you been generous in almsgiving? Did the meaning of generosity change for you after reading this?
Now we know that giving alms isn't just putting a coin in a beggar's hand. It's more than that. It's doing works of mercy.
Since Holy Week is upon us let's keep moving towards God daily. We can be more generous to others by asking the grace from God. Let's keep praying daily and work for the Lord as much as we can!
XOXO,
