I hate myself for ever loving you.
Do you know how hard it is
To not be able to go through a day
Without wanting to break down
Because everything you do, everything you see
Brings you back to when everything was okay
And everything was perfect
I don't ever want to see the color pink.
I hated it, I used to despise it.
But after I first met you
I'd smile a little whenever I see something you'd like a lot that's pink
And I'd think about how much you'd love it if someone gave it to you.
I don't ever want to stay up till the a.m. anymore.
I used to sleep early
As it brought me bad memories of my past
But you managed to defeat that by making new memories with me instead
And now, those are tattered and ruined as well.
And I remember that every time you were so beautifully raw with me
And when you were so brutally honest
Was when you'd ask me to accompany you up until the wee hours of the day
As you were lonely
And I knew how much you hate that.
You didn't think I'd remember,
But I do.
I know your favorite food.
I know your favorite movie.
I know the names of each and every stuffed animal you have, and you have a lot.
I can tell what you're feeling at every moment, regardless if we're face-to-face or through text.
I know just how to calm you down when you're upset.
I remember every little thing you told me.
I remember every single detail
From when we used to talk about almost anything and everything
No matter if it was about if dogs thought in barks
Or deep conversations about life.
Do you remember how close we used to be?
How you used to text me everytime you felt down
Or you needed someone to talk to
Do you remember your promise to me?
Do you remember
How I would always make time for you even though I knew you would never do the same
How I endured your constant verbal assaults at me
Never lashing back
For the fear of hurting you?
I remember you always apologizing a few hours later.
Or even messaging me excuses for your behavior once I gave you space?
All these little things
You always pushed aside
Thinking that it was nothing
But it was never 'nothing'.
And it never will be.
