Something has the silence that causes us so much discomfort. We evaluated an appointment with this criterion, if there were many moments of silence it was not as comfortable as we expected; It also happens that we feel we have to say something when there are periods of silence in a job interview or when a friend tells us something tragic that happened to him or explodes in tears at our presence. Silence bothers us, we can not stay long in it.
I do not know if it happened to you, but when I spend a lot of time alone there comes a point where I start talking loudly. Believe me, I do not have any kind of psychopathy, it's just that I feel the need to listen to someone, to feel company. In this way, it also makes me much more comfortable to pray aloud, as if I were talking to God and He answered me. I enjoy those long conversations where I raise my concerns and your peaceful Spirit quiets mine, that's where I think it is when I most enjoy the silence.
But there is a silence that I do not like, it disturbs me and it anguishes me and it is the silence of God. Sometimes, I must wait to hear his voice and that wait is terrible, the days are eternal and my desire to continue praying also decays and fuses with the anger that I can come to feel because I do not see or hear ANYTHING. I hope that someone else in the world will happen this, or no one else will read something that I write (just kidding), but if you are more of meat than bone as I am, I think you have had to face this situation in more once and I assure you that you did not like it. These are the moments in which I say "I deeply love God, but at this precise moment I do not like him". Let's face it, we do not always like what God does, hang the masks, there are moments in our life when even God does not like us, we still love him, but we hate what he is doing. He knows it and does not produce any kind of existential crisis or send a lightning bolt to end our lives. He does it because he has to do it, but not because that will be the pick of his popularity in our life.
When I have these feelings and thoughts, it comforts me to talk with people who dare to take off the mask in front of me and tell me the struggles and challenges that are being presented to them. I am glad to know that in the world there are still flesh and blood Christians like me, who despite the intense love we feel for God at times is not our favorite "person" or we feel that silence is almost falling into cruelty. When I do not find anyone like that, I think about Jesus on the cross, full of pain and anguish he asks the Father why he has abandoned him. Jesus, the one who worked miracles and healed the sick, that Jesus asks God why he left him, I'm sure that at that moment His Father was not especially sympathetic to him.
Undoubtedly there are hundreds of answers to why God keeps quiet at times, and even though I rationalize and analyze them, they still do not like me and sometimes make me quarrel in the face of circumstances that make even more difficult. sensitive of what I already am. I will not tell you that you are being weak in your faith for this reason, nor will I fill you with verses that you already know and recite from memory. The only thing I want you to feel is that you are not alone, surely when God keeps silent he does it in several parts of the world, so I want that we are able to feel that company even across borders. When God silences his voice, he also whispers in your ear, very softly at times: "Everything will be fine".
It is true. Everything will be fine.
All.
