This excerpts ends our serialization of Looking Backwards by Ed Bellamy!
If you make it to the end of this chapter, you will have a better understanding of what I deal with day after day.
Before I read this book I didn't understand why anarchists were so adamantly opposed to crapitalism.
This book illuminated me to the idea that I had been lied to by folks that wanted to enslave me for their own benefit.
I hope it can set your mind free, too.
Chapter 28
"It's a little after the time you told me to wake you, sir.
You did not come out of it as quick as common, sir."
The voice was the voice of my man Sawyer.
I started bolt upright in bed and stared around.
I was in my underground chamber.
The mellow light of the lamp which always burned in the room when I occupied it illumined the familiar walls and furnishings.
By my bedside, with the glass of sherry in his hand which Dr. Pillsbury prescribed on first rousing from a mesmeric sleep, by way of awakening the torpid physical functions, stood Sawyer.
"Better take this right off, sir," he said, as I stared blankly at him.
"You look kind of flushed like, sir, and you need it."
I tossed off the liquor and began to realize what had happened to me.
It was, of course, very plain.
All that about the twentieth century had been a dream.
I had but dreamed of that enlightened and care-free race of men and their ingeniously simple institutions, of the glorious new Boston with its domes and pinnacles, its gardens and fountains, and its universal reign of comfort.
The amiable family which I had learned to know so well, my genial host and Mentor, Dr. Leete, his wife, and their daughter, the second and more beauteous Edith, my betrothed—these, too, had been but figments of a vision.
For a considerable time I remained in the attitude in which this conviction had come over me, sitting up in bed gazing at vacancy, absorbed in recalling the scenes and incidents of my fantastic experience.
Sawyer, alarmed at my looks, was meanwhile anxiously inquiring what was the matter with me.
Roused at length by his importunities to a recognition of my surroundings, I pulled myself together with an effort and assured the faithful fellow that I was all right.
"I have had an extraordinary dream, that's all, Sawyer," I said, "a most-ex-traor-dinary dream."
I dressed in a mechanical way, feeling light-headed and oddly uncertain of myself, and sat down to the coffee and rolls which Sawyer was in the habit of providing for my refreshment before I left the house.
The morning newspaper lay by the plate.
I took it up, and my eye fell on the date, May 31, 1887.
I had known, of course, from the moment I opened my eyes that my long and detailed experience in another century had been a dream, and yet it was startling to have it so conclusively demonstrated that the world was but a few hours older than when I had lain down to sleep.
Glancing at the table of contents at the head of the paper, which reviewed the news of the morning, I read the following summary:
FOREIGN AFFAIRS.—The impending war between France and Germany.
The French Chambers asked for new military credits to meet Germany's increase of her army.
Probability that all Europe will be involved in case of war
—Great suffering among the unemployed in London.
They demand work. Monster demonstration to be made.
The authorities uneasy.
—Great strikes in Belgium.
The government preparing to repress outbreaks.
Shocking facts in regard to the employment of girls in Belgium coal mines.
—Wholesale evictions in Ireland.
"HOME AFFAIRS.
—The epidemic of fraud unchecked.
Embezzlement of half a million in New York.
—Misappropriation of a trust fund by executors.
Orphans left penniless.
—Clever system of thefts by a bank teller;
$50,000 gone.
—The coal barons decide to advance the price of coal and reduce production.
—Speculators engineering a great wheat corner at Chicago.
—A clique forcing up the price of coffee.
—Enormous land-grabs of Western syndicates.
—Revelations of shocking corruption among Chicago officials.
Systematic bribery.
—The trials of the Boodle aldermen to go on at New York.
—Large failures of business houses.
Fears of a business crisis.
—A large grist of burglaries and larcenies.
—A woman murdered in cold blood for her money at New Haven.
—A householder shot by a burglar in this city last night.
—A man shoots himself in Worcester because he could not get work.
A large family left destitute.
—An aged couple in New Jersey commit suicide rather than go to the poor-house.
—Pitiable destitution among the women wage-workers in the great cities.
—Startling growth of illiteracy in Massachusetts.
—More insane asylums wanted.
—Decoration Day addresses.
Professor Brown's oration on the moral grandeur of nineteenth century civilization."
It was indeed the nineteenth century to which I had awaked; there could be no kind of doubt about that.
Its complete microcosm this summary of the day's news had presented, even to that last unmistakable touch of fatuous self-complacency.
Coming after such a damning indictment of the age as that one day's chronicle of world-wide bloodshed, greed, and tyranny, was a bit of cynicism worthy of Mephistopheles, and yet of all whose eyes it had met this morning I was, perhaps, the only one who perceived the cynicism, and but yesterday I should have perceived it no more than the others.
That strange dream it was which had made all the difference.
For I know not how long, I forgot my surroundings after this, and was again in fancy moving in that vivid dream-world, in that glorious city, with its homes of simple comfort and its gorgeous public palaces.
Around me were again faces unmarred by arrogance or servility, by envy or greed, by anxious care or feverish ambition, and stately forms of men and women who had never known fear of a fellow man or depended on his favor, but always, in the words of that sermon which still rang in my ears, had "stood up straight before God."
With a profound sigh and a sense of irreparable loss, not the less poignant that it was a loss of what had never really been, I roused at last from my reverie, and soon after left the house.
A dozen times between my door and Washington Street I had to stop and pull myself together, such power had been in that vision of the Boston of the future to make the real Boston strange.
The squalor and malodorousness of the town struck me, from the moment I stood upon the street, as facts I had never before observed.
But yesterday, moreover, it had seemed quite a matter of course that some of my fellow-citizens should wear silks, and others rags, that some should look well fed, and others hungry.
Now on the contrary the glaring disparities in the dress and condition of the men and women who brushed each other on the sidewalks shocked me at every step, and yet more the entire indifference which the prosperous showed to the plight of the unfortunate.
Were these human beings, who could behold the wretchedness of their fellows without so much as a change of countenance?
And yet, all the while, I knew well that it was I who had changed, and not my contemporaries.
I had dreamed of a city whose people fared all alike as children of one family and were one another's keepers in all things.
Another feature of the real Boston, which assumed the extraordinary effect of strangeness that marks familiar things seen in a new light, was the prevalence of advertising.
There had been no personal advertising in the Boston of the twentieth century, because there was no need of any, but here the walls of the buildings, the windows, the broadsides of the newspapers in every hand, the very pavements, everything in fact in sight, save the sky, were covered with the appeals of individuals who sought, under innumerable pretexts, to attract the contributions of others to their support.
However the wording might vary, the tenor of all these appeals was the same:
"Help John Jones.
Never mind the rest.
They are frauds.
I, John Jones, am the right one.
Buy of me.
Employ me.
Visit me.
Hear me, John Jones.
Look at me.
Make no mistake, John Jones is the man and nobody else.
Let the rest starve, but for God's sake remember John Jones!"
Whether the pathos or the moral repulsiveness of the spectacle most impressed me, so suddenly become a stranger in my own city, I know not.
Wretched men, I was moved to cry, who, because they will not learn to be helpers of one another, are doomed to be beggars of one another from the least to the greatest!
This horrible babel of shameless self-assertion and mutual depreciation, this stunning clamor of conflicting boasts, appeals, and adjurations, this stupendous system of brazen beggary, what was it all but the necessity of a society in which the opportunity to serve the world according to his gifts, instead of being secured to every man as the first object of social organization, had to be fought for!
I reached Washington Street at the busiest point, and there I stood and laughed aloud, to the scandal of the passers-by.
For my life I could not have helped it, with such a mad humor was I moved at sight of the interminable rows of stores on either side, up and down the street so far as I could see—scores of them, to make the spectacle more utterly preposterous, within a stone's throw devoted to selling the same sort of goods.
Stores! stores! stores! miles of stores! ten thousand stores to distribute the goods needed by this one city, which in my dream had been supplied with all things from a single warehouse, as they were ordered through one great store in every quarter, where the buyer, without waste of time or labor, found under one roof the world's assortment in whatever line he desired.
There the labor of distribution had been so slight as to add but a scarcely perceptible fraction to the cost of commodities to the user.
The cost of production was virtually all he paid.
But here the mere distribution of the goods, their handling alone, added a fourth, a third, a half and more, to the cost.
All these ten thousand plants must be paid for, their rent, their staffs of superintendence, their platoons of salesmen, their ten thousand sets of accountants, jobbers, and business dependents, with all they spent in advertising themselves and fighting one another, and the consumers must do the paying.
What a famous process for beggaring a nation!
Were these serious men I saw about me, or children, who did their business on such a plan?
Could they be reasoning beings, who did not see the folly which, when the product is made and ready for use, wastes so much of it in getting it to the user?
If people eat with a spoon that leaks half its contents between bowl and lip, are they not likely to go hungry?
I had passed through Washington Street thousands of times before and viewed the ways of those who sold merchandise, but my curiosity concerning them was as if I had never gone by their way before.
I took wondering note of the show windows of the stores, filled with goods arranged with a wealth of pains and artistic device to attract the eye.
I saw the throngs of ladies looking in, and the proprietors eagerly watching the effect of the bait.
I went within and noted the hawk-eyed floor-walker watching for business, overlooking the clerks, keeping them up to their task of inducing the customers to buy, buy, buy, for money if they had it, for credit if they had it not, to buy what they wanted not, more than they wanted, what they could not afford.
At times I momentarily lost the clue and was confused by the sight.
Why this effort to induce people to buy?
Surely that had nothing to do with the legitimate business of distributing products to those who needed them.
Surely it was the sheerest waste to force upon people what they did not want, but what might be useful to another.
The nation was so much the poorer for every such achievement.
What were these clerks thinking of?
Then I would remember that they were not acting as distributors like those in the store I had visited in the dream Boston.
They were not serving the public interest, but their immediate personal interest, and it was nothing to them what the ultimate effect of their course on the general prosperity might be, if but they increased their own hoard, for these goods were their own, and the more they sold and the more they got for them, the greater their gain.
The more wasteful the people were, the more articles they did not want which they could be induced to buy, the better for these sellers.
To encourage prodigality was the express aim of the ten thousand stores of Boston.
Nor were these storekeepers and clerks a whit worse men than any others in Boston.
They must earn a living and support their families, and how were they to find a trade to do it by which did not necessitate placing their individual interests before those of others and that of all?
They could not be asked to starve while they waited for an order of things such as I had seen in my dream, in which the interest of each and that of all were identical.
But, God in heaven! what wonder, under such a system as this about me—what wonder that the city was so shabby, and the people so meanly dressed, and so many of them ragged and hungry!
Some time after this it was that I drifted over into South Boston and found myself among the manufacturing establishments.
I had been in this quarter of the city a hundred times before, just as I had been on Washington Street, but here, as well as there, I now first perceived the true significance of what I witnessed.
Formerly I had taken pride in the fact that, by actual count, Boston had some four thousand independent manufacturing establishments; but in this very multiplicity and independence I recognized now the secret of the insignificant total product of their industry.
If Washington Street had been like a lane in Bedlam, this was a spectacle as much more melancholy as production is a more vital function than distribution.
For not only were these four thousand establishments not working in concert, and for that reason alone operating at prodigious disadvantage, but, as if this did not involve a sufficiently disastrous loss of power, they were using their utmost skill to frustrate one another's effort, praying by night and working by day for the destruction of one another's enterprises.
The roar and rattle of wheels and hammers resounding from every side was not the hum of a peaceful industry, but the clangor of swords wielded by foemen.
These mills and shops were so many forts, each under its own flag, its guns trained on the mills and shops about it, and its sappers busy below, undermining them.
Within each one of these forts the strictest organization of industry was insisted on; the separate gangs worked under a single central authority.
No interference and no duplicating of work were permitted. Each had his allotted task, and none were idle.
By what hiatus in the logical faculty, by what lost link of reasoning, account, then, for the failure to recognize the necessity of applying the same principle to the organization of the national industries as a whole, to see that if lack of organization could impair the efficiency of a shop, it must have effects as much more disastrous in disabling the industries of the nation at large as the latter are vaster in volume and more complex in the relationship of their parts.
People would be prompt enough to ridicule an army in which there were neither companies, battalions, regiments, brigades, divisions, or army corps—no unit of organization, in fact, larger than the corporal's squad, with no officer higher than a corporal, and all the corporals equal in authority.
And yet just such an army were the manufacturing industries of nineteenth century Boston, an army of four thousand independent squads led by four thousand independent corporals, each with a separate plan of campaign.
Knots of idle men were to be seen here and there on every side, some idle because they could find no work at any price, others because they could not get what they thought a fair price.
I accosted some of the latter, and they told me their grievances.
It was very little comfort I could give them.
"I am sorry for you," I said.
"You get little enough, certainly, and yet the wonder to me is, not that industries conducted as these are do not pay you living wages, but that they are able to pay you any wages at all."
Making my way back again after this to the peninsular city, toward three o'clock I stood on State Street, staring, as if I had never seen them before, at the banks and brokers' offices, and other financial institutions, of which there had been in the State Street of my vision no vestige.
Business men, confidential clerks, and errand boys were thronging in and out of the banks, for it wanted but a few minutes of the closing hour.
Opposite me was the bank where I did business, and presently I crossed the street, and, going in with the crowd, stood in a recess of the wall looking on at the army of clerks handling money, and the cues of depositors at the tellers' windows.
An old gentleman whom I knew, a director of the bank, passing me and observing my contemplative attitude, stopped a moment.
"Interesting sight, isn't it, Mr. West," he said.
"Wonderful piece of mechanism; I find it so myself.
I like sometimes to stand and look on at it just as you are doing.
It's a poem, sir, a poem, that's what I call it.
Did you ever think, Mr. West, that the bank is the heart of the business system?
From it and to it, in endless flux and reflux, the life blood goes.
It is flowing in now.
It will flow out again in the morning"; and pleased with his little conceit, the old man passed on smiling.
Yesterday I should have considered the simile apt enough, but since then I had visited a world incomparably more affluent than this, in which money was unknown and without conceivable use.
I had learned that it had a use in the world around me only because the work of producing the nation's livelihood, instead of being regarded as the most strictly public and common of all concerns, and as such conducted by the nation, was abandoned to the hap-hazard efforts of individuals.
This original mistake necessitated endless exchanges to bring about any sort of general distribution of products.
These exchanges money effected—how equitably, might be seen in a walk from the tenement house districts to the Back Bay—at the cost of an army of men taken from productive labor to manage it, with constant ruinous breakdowns of its machinery, and a generally debauching influence on mankind which had justified its description, from ancient time, as the "root of all evil."
Alas for the poor old bank director with his poem!
He had mistaken the throbbing of an abscess for the beating of the heart.
What he called "a wonderful piece of mechanism" was an imperfect device to remedy an unnecessary defect, the clumsy crutch of a self-made cripple.
After the banks had closed I wandered aimlessly about the business quarter for an hour or two, and later sat a while on one of the benches of the Common, finding an interest merely in watching the throngs that passed, such as one has in studying the populace of a foreign city, so strange since yesterday had my fellow citizens and their ways become to me.
For thirty years I had lived among them, and yet I seemed to have never noted before how drawn and anxious were their faces, of the rich as of the poor, the refined, acute faces of the educated as well as the dull masks of the ignorant.
And well it might be so, for I saw now, as never before I had seen so plainly, that each as he walked constantly turned to catch the whispers of a spectre at his ear, the spectre of Uncertainty.
"Do your work never so well," the spectre was whispering—"rise early and toil till late, rob cunningly or serve faithfully, you shall never know security.
Rich you may be now and still come to poverty at last.
Leave never so much wealth to your children, you cannot buy the assurance that your son may not be the servant of your servant, or that your daughter will not have to sell herself for bread."
A man passing by thrust an advertising card in my hand, which set forth the merits of some new scheme of life insurance.
The incident reminded me of the only device, pathetic in its admission of the universal need it so poorly supplied, which offered these tired and hunted men and women even a partial protection from uncertainty.
By this means, those already well-to-do, I remembered, might purchase a precarious confidence that after their death their loved ones would not, for a while at least, be trampled under the feet of men.
But this was all, and this was only for those who could pay well for it.
What idea was possible to these wretched dwellers in the land of Ishmael, where every man's hand was against each and the hand of each against every other, of true life insurance as I had seen it among the people of that dream land, each of whom, by virtue merely of his membership in the national family, was guaranteed against need of any sort, by a policy underwritten by one hundred million fellow countrymen.
Some time after this it was that I recall a glimpse of myself standing on the steps of a building on Tremont Street, looking at a military parade.
A regiment was passing.
It was the first sight in that dreary day which had inspired me with any other emotions than wondering pity and amazement.
Here at last were order and reason, an exhibition of what intelligent cooperation can accomplish.
The people who stood looking on with kindling faces,—could it be that the sight had for them no more than but a spectacular interest?
Could they fail to see that it was their perfect concert of action, their organization under one control, which made these men the tremendous engine they were, able to vanquish a mob ten times as numerous?
Seeing this so plainly, could they fail to compare the scientific manner in which the nation went to war with the unscientific manner in which it went to work?
Would they not query since what time the killing of men had been a task so much more important than feeding and clothing them, that a trained army should be deemed alone adequate to the former, while the latter was left to a mob?
It was now toward nightfall, and the streets were thronged with the workers from the stores, the shops, and mills.
Carried along with the stronger part of the current, I found myself, as it began to grow dark, in the midst of a scene of squalor and human degradation such as only the South Cove tenement district could present.
I had seen the mad wasting of human labor; here I saw in direst shape the want that waste had bred.
From the black doorways and windows of the rookeries on every side came gusts of fetid air.
The streets and alleys reeked with the effluvia of a slave ship's between-decks.
As I passed I had glimpses within of pale babies gasping out their lives amid sultry stenches, of hopeless-faced women deformed by hardship, retaining of womanhood no trait save weakness, while from the windows leered girls with brows of brass.
Like the starving bands of mongrel curs that infest the streets of Moslem towns, swarms of half-clad brutalized children filled the air with shrieks and curses as they fought and tumbled among the garbage that littered the court-yards.
There was nothing in all this that was new to me.
Often had I passed through this part of the city and witnessed its sights with feelings of disgust mingled with a certain philosophical wonder at the extremities mortals will endure and still cling to life.
But not alone as regarded the economical follies of this age, but equally as touched its moral abominations, scales had fallen from my eyes since that vision of another century.
No more did I look upon the woful dwellers in this Inferno with a callous curiosity as creatures scarcely human.
I saw in them my brothers and sisters, my parents, my children, flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood.
The festering mass of human wretchedness about me offended not now my senses merely, but pierced my heart like a knife, so that I could not repress sighs and groans.
I not only saw but felt in my body all that I saw.
Presently, too, as I observed the wretched beings about me more closely, I perceived that they were all quite dead.
Their bodies were so many living sepulchres.
On each brutal brow was plainly written the hic jacet of a soul dead within.
As I looked, horror struck, from one death's head to another, I was affected by a singular hallucination.
Like a wavering translucent spirit face superimposed upon each of these brutish masks I saw the ideal, the possible face that would have been the actual if mind and soul had lived.
It was not till I was aware of these ghostly faces, and of the reproach that could not be gainsaid which was in their eyes, that the full piteousness of the ruin that had been wrought was revealed to me.
I was moved with contrition as with a strong agony, for I had been one of those who had endured that these things should be.
I had been one of those who, well knowing that they were, had not desired to hear or be compelled to think much of them, but had gone on as if they were not, seeking my own pleasure and profit.
Therefore now I found upon my garments the blood of this great multitude of strangled souls of my brothers.
The voice of their blood cried out against me from the ground.
Every stone of the reeking pavements, every brick of the pestilential rookeries, found a tongue and called after me as I fled:
What hast thou done with thy brother Abel?
I have no clear recollection of anything after this till I found myself standing on the carved stone steps of the magnificent home of my betrothed in Commonwealth Avenue.
Amid the tumult of my thoughts that day, I had scarcely once thought of her, but now obeying some unconscious impulse my feet had found the familiar way to her door.
I was told that the family were at dinner, but word was sent out that I should join them at table.
Besides the family, I found several guests present, all known to me.
The table glittered with plate and costly china.
The ladies were sumptuously dressed and wore the jewels of queens.
The scene was one of costly elegance and lavish luxury.
The company was in excellent spirits, and there was plentiful laughter and a running fire of jests.
To me it was as if, in wandering through the place of doom, my blood turned to tears by its sights, and my spirit attuned to sorrow, pity, and despair, I had happened in some glade upon a merry party of roisterers.
I sat in silence until Edith began to rally me upon my sombre looks, What ailed me?
The others presently joined in the playful assault, and I became a target for quips and jests.
Where had I been, and what had I seen to make such a dull fellow of me?
"I have been in Golgotha," at last I answered.
"I have seen Humanity hanging on a cross!
Do none of you know what sights the sun and stars look down on in this city, that you can think and talk of anything else?
Do you not know that close to your doors a great multitude of men and women, flesh of your flesh, live lives that are one agony from birth to death?
Listen! their dwellings are so near that if you hush your laughter you will hear their grievous voices, the piteous crying of the little ones that suckle poverty, the hoarse curses of men sodden in misery turned half-way back to brutes, the chaffering of an army of women selling themselves for bread.
With what have you stopped your ears that you do not hear these doleful sounds?
For me, I can hear nothing else."
Silence followed my words.
A passion of pity had shaken me as I spoke, but when I looked around upon the company, I saw that, far from being stirred as I was, their faces expressed a cold and hard astonishment, mingled in Edith's with extreme mortification, in her father's with anger.
The ladies were exchanging scandalized looks, while one of the gentlemen had put up his eyeglass and was studying me with an air of scientific curiosity.
When I saw that things which were to me so intolerable moved them not at all, that words that melted my heart to speak had only offended them with the speaker, I was at first stunned and then overcome with a desperate sickness and faintness at the heart.
What hope was there for the wretched, for the world, if thoughtful men and tender women were not moved by things like these!
Then I bethought myself that it must be because I had not spoken aright.
No doubt I had put the case badly.
They were angry because they thought I was berating them, when God knew I was merely thinking of the horror of the fact without any attempt to assign the responsibility for it.
I restrained my passion, and tried to speak calmly and logically that I might correct this impression.
I told them that I had not meant to accuse them, as if they, or the rich in general, were responsible for the misery of the world.
True indeed it was, that the superfluity which they wasted would, otherwise bestowed, relieve much bitter suffering.
These costly viands, these rich wines, these gorgeous fabrics and glistening jewels represented the ransom of many lives.
They were verily not without the guiltiness of those who waste in a land stricken with famine.
Nevertheless, all the waste of all the rich, were it saved, would go but a little way to cure the poverty of the world.
There was so little to divide that even if the rich went share and share with the poor, there would be but a common fare of crusts, albeit made very sweet then by brotherly love.
The folly of men, not their hard-heartedness, was the great cause of the world's poverty.
It was not the crime of man, nor of any class of men, that made the race so miserable, but a hideous, ghastly mistake, a colossal world-darkening blunder.
And then I showed them how four fifths of the labor of men was utterly wasted by the mutual warfare, the lack of organization and concert among the workers.
Seeking to make the matter very plain, I instanced the case of arid lands where the soil yielded the means of life only by careful use of the watercourses for irrigation.
I showed how in such countries it was counted the most important function of the government to see that the water was not wasted by the selfishness or ignorance of individuals, since otherwise there would be famine.
To this end its use was strictly regulated and systematized, and individuals of their mere caprice were not permitted to dam it or divert it, or in any way to tamper with it.
The labor of men, I explained, was the fertilizing stream which alone rendered earth habitable.
It was but a scanty stream at best, and its use required to be regulated by a system which expended every drop to the best advantage, if the world were to be supported in abundance.
But how far from any system was the actual practice!
Every man wasted the precious fluid as he wished, animated only by the equal motives of saving his own crop and spoiling his neighbor's, that his might sell the better.
What with greed and what with spite some fields were flooded while others were parched, and half the water ran wholly to waste.
In such a land, though a few by strength or cunning might win the means of luxury, the lot of the great mass must be poverty, and of the weak and ignorant bitter want and perennial famine.
Let but the famine-stricken nation assume the function it had neglected, and regulate for the common good the course of the life-giving stream, and the earth would bloom like one garden, and none of its children lack any good thing.
I described the physical felicity, mental enlightenment, and moral elevation which would then attend the lives of all men.
With fervency I spoke of that new world, blessed with plenty, purified by justice and sweetened by brotherly kindness, the world of which I had indeed but dreamed, but which might so easily be made real.
But when I had expected now surely the faces around me to light up with emotions akin to mine, they grew ever more dark, angry, and scornful.
Instead of enthusiasm, the ladies showed only aversion and dread, while the men interrupted me with shouts of reprobation and contempt.
"Madman!"
"Pestilent fellow!"
"Fanatic!"
"Enemy of society!" were some of their cries, and the one who had before taken his eyeglass to me exclaimed, "He says we are to have no more poor.
Ha! ha!"
"Put the fellow out!" exclaimed the father of my betrothed, and at the signal the men sprang from their chairs and advanced upon me.
It seemed to me that my heart would burst with the anguish of finding that what was to me so plain and so all important was to them meaningless, and that I was powerless to make it other.
So hot had been my heart that I had thought to melt an iceberg with its glow, only to find at last the overmastering chill seizing my own vitals.
It was not enmity that I felt toward them as they thronged me, but pity only, for them and for the world.
Although despairing, I could not give over.
Still I strove with them.
Tears poured from my eyes.
In my vehemence I became inarticulate.
I panted, I sobbed, I groaned, and immediately afterward found myself sitting upright in bed in my room in Dr. Leete's house, and the morning sun shining through the open window into my eyes.
I was gasping.
The tears were streaming down my face, and I quivered in every nerve.
As with an escaped convict who dreams that he has been recaptured and brought back to his dark and reeking dungeon, and opens his eyes to see the heaven's vault spread above him, so it was with me, as I realized that my return to the nineteenth century had been the dream, and my presence in the twentieth was the reality.
The cruel sights which I had witnessed in my vision, and could so well confirm from the experience of my former life, though they had, alas! once been, and must in the retrospect to the end of time move the compassionate to tears, were, God be thanked, forever gone by.
Long ago oppressor and oppressed, prophet and scorner, had been dust.
For generations, rich and poor had been forgotten words.
But in that moment, while yet I mused with unspeakable thankfulness upon the greatness of the world's salvation and my privilege in beholding it, there suddenly pierced me like a knife a pang of shame, remorse, and wondering self-reproach, that bowed my head upon my breast and made me wish the grave had hid me with my fellows from the sun.
For I had been a man of that former time.
What had I done to help on the deliverance whereat I now presumed to rejoice?
I who had lived in those cruel, insensate days, what had I done to bring them to an end?
I had been every whit as indifferent to the wretchedness of my brothers, as cynically incredulous of better things, as besotted a worshiper of Chaos and Old Night, as any of my fellows.
So far as my personal influence went, it had been exerted rather to hinder than to help forward the enfranchisement of the race which was even then preparing.
What right had I to hail a salvation which reproached me, to rejoice in a day whose dawning I had mocked?
"Better for you, better for you," a voice within me rang, "had this evil dream been the reality, and this fair reality the dream; better your part pleading for crucified humanity with a scoffing generation, than here, drinking of wells you digged not, and eating of trees whose husbandmen you stoned"; and my spirit answered, "Better, truly."
When at length I raised my bowed head and looked forth from the window, Edith, fresh as the morning, had come into the garden and was gathering flowers.
I hastened to descend to her.
Kneeling before her, with my face in the dust, I confessed with tears how little was my worth to breathe the air of this golden century, and how infinitely less to wear upon my breast its consummate flower.
Fortunate is he who, with a case so desperate as mine, finds a judge so merciful.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Looking Backwards from 2000 to 1887, by Edward Bellamy
*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LOOKING BACKWARDS FROM 2000 TO 1887 ***
