My life story.................. Is there a reason. Chapter 5. Continue

Hi everyone. If you have missed the first four chapters of my life story, please go to my blog to catch up. Happy reading.

Chapter 5

I can write a thousand chapters on just these seven years of my life, but it was the saddest times of my life, so therefore, I will give you just a glimpse, as this story I am writing is not supposed to be a horror story.

When I first met Michael, he was a beautiful looking man, I was head over heels in love with this very tall, dark and handsome man. I forgave him all the things in the world. If he lied to me, or made many excuses, Ill just forget it. I tried so hard to impress him and make him want just me. You see, as I said, he was still married when we dated. I wanted to be his wife, because I had an unhealthy obsession with this beautiful man, and he knew it.

We got married, and not two days into our honeymoon, he started cheating on me with his ex wife again. He drank like a fish, and he started showing his violent nature, but because I was obsessed with him, I forgave him. He was always so sorry afterwards, and promised to never do it again. For you whom have been in an abusive relationship will know that it never gets better, just more abusive and violent as the years go by. This abuse was not just physical, it was verbal, and mental abuse, day in and day out.

Actually this part of my life is so hard to write about, it took me a couple of days to just come this far. A person can actually not say how or when it started, because these 7 years of this marriage, I lived in constant pain, fear, humiliation, suicide attempts, scared out of my mind, a broken heart and a broken spirit. I don’t actually think that I can or want to say much about this.

In one paragraph I can sum it all up. He beat me, he slept with every woman he could find. From 14 years old up to 60 years old. He was a alcoholic, and abused dagga and drugs. He was a control freak, who mentally physically and verbally abused me. My daughter saw all this, and she had to pick up the pieces, hear my cries, save me when I tried to take my own life. Had to sit next to my bed when he tried to kill me, She is 26 now, and still on Anti-Depressant medication, and this is 10 years later. My beautiful Angel child lost her childhood from a tender age of 11 years old, as she had to step in, and take care of me, she was the mother figure and I was the abused “child”. So the time came when she was 16 years old, also threatened by Michael with a knife etc, I plucked up the courage to divorce this man, that was once my All, and my everything.

Did I forget to mention that the seven years I was married to him and the 3 years I dated him before that, a total of 10 years, I left him 11 times, and every time I would take him back and believe that he has changed. Oh my word, what a fool I was. But reality came knocking on my door when he threatened my daughter’s life. Then I knew, He so many times almost killed me, broke my spirit and left nothing but a shadow of my former self, but I was damned that he will destroy my baby’s life like he did mine. So I left him.

But unfortunately my life changed for good. I was not the happy go lucky person any more. I did not have friends, I was always sad, and I never wanted to mix socially with anybody.

There were times my daughter begged me to just leave the house and feel the sunlight on my face. I cannot really explain this, but I was scared all the time. I did not want to interact with anybody. I went to work, came home, and got straight into bed, even when it was still light outside, like 5 o’clock, draw the curtains, and lie awake throughout the night, have a few fitful hours sleep and go back to work.

I was brimming on an anorexic weight again. I weight 47kg after this horrific ordeal. Now if you knew me, you will know, I have always been a healthy 75kg, quite a curvaceous lady.

Somehow, some of the brain cells that was still working in my numb head and mind, told me to start living, as I have a 16 year old daughter that needs me.

My first steps to healing was the beach. I literally lived a streets with away from the beach. My daughter and her friend took me with them to the beach. I sat on my towel and watched them play in the water and sand, and The breaking of the waves, seeing the sun and happy people around me, made me happy, and I thanked God there on the beach for a second chance at life…………………………….

TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR CHAPTER SIX…………………………………….