I have experienced this a few time in my career - teenagers who come to me and show me where they have cut themselves, parents crying with anger and fear and disappointment saying things like What do we do wrong? Is our child unhappy or sick? What must we do? or even the We think he is looking for attention. We think he needs a good beating.
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But why do people do this? Hurt themselves intentionally by cutting themselves with a razor blade or what ever they find that will cut and let the blood come out and leave a mark?
Why will people inflict self-harm? This mostly happens to teenagers between the age of 12-15 but can occure at any age.
There are a 4 main reasons why a person will do this (and no..looking for attention or trying to be "in" are not one of them)
- Physical pain takes away emosional pain -the physical pain will instantly calm down, make them feel more alive and connected to themselves. Cutting is reinforcing and can be addictive and people who does it says it feels like the pressure is being released. The brain will eventually start connecting relief from emosional pain with cutting.
- These people are their own harshest critics - they feel more dissatisfied with themselves than their peers do and critisize themselves more - some will even carve their criticism into their skin, like fat, stupid, ugly.
- It can help them to stop feeling numb
- It is an alternative way of letting out emotional pain - some children who live in a house where feeling sad is just ignored or mocked will find cutting a way to deal with feelings of sadness.
Individuals who cut themselves, know it is wrong and go through great lengths to hide it - so seeking attention is not a motive in most cases.
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What signals can you pick up to know if your friend or child is cutting?
- explaining any cuts or bruises as accidents (having a lot more "accidents" than usual)
- unexplained cuts and bruises
- carrying around sharp objects like razors, knives or broken glass
- wearing long sleeves and long pants even if it is hot outside
- occasional blood stains on the collar or sleeve of a shirt
- making frequent trips to the bathroom or bedroom and insisting on being alone for a lot of times
If you are somebody that cuts yourself or a friend or parent of somebody who does, how can you stop (or help them to stop)?
- Remember that cutting is a coping- mechanism so try and have empathy with that person - do not just start yelling and tell them how stupid they are - this will only add to the feeling of self-loathing
- realise that you are not alone - there are always people that can and will help you
- stress can cause self harm - try and talk to somebody that can give you a solution or help you cope with your daily stress
- self harm is a mental issue - it does not mean you are crazy, it just means you are showing a cry for help. This problem can only be resolved if you adress the root of the problem . Asking yourself why you do it and just answering I do not know is not enough - you have to go back and look at different situations that caused you stress before you start cutting yourself
- make an appointment to go and see a professional for weekly sessions where you will be able to talk freely, get to the root of the problem and learn to find alternatives on how to cope with this issue
- you can start doing yoga or meditation to get in contact with your inner self
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No matter what the reason is for people cutting, one of them is NOT seeking attention. If you ever suspect that somebody close to you is doing this to themselves, be there and help...without judgement.
