Nina had been working in a restaurant for years. She never planned to stay so long. Sometimes, amidst the noise or bustle of plates and orders, she would think of the life she had imagined when she was younger. Some customer ordering another round of coffee or some laughter among the tables always stopped her from her thoughts, bringing her back to reality. Like when you are woken up from a beautiful dream you were having. What kind of life had she wished for when she was young? Nothing more and nothing less than to be a guitarist or at least to learn to play the instrument at least a little.
At that time what made it difficult for her to learn was that she lived in the countryside far from the city, and at that time she didn't have the money to buy a guitar or move to the town where there were some music schools. On top of that her husband discouraged her by telling her that she should take care of her family and not be thinking about moving to the city just to learn to play an instrument. In the end she simply threw in the towel and did not follow through with her desire. Admittedly, she let herself be defeated very easily, maybe if she had looked harder she would have found other options. But well, because of life things happen.
Back to the present, every time she passed by a store near the restaurant, she saw several guitars for sale in the glass cases. In those moments she always remembered her repressed desire. Although she still could not decide to buy it. She also had to save the money, because her husband had left her relatively recently, since they had divorced. The reason is that he was always extremely controlling, he would not let her do anything without his permission. This reached the point of no return because Nina could not stand the situation any longer. She was not the one who left him, it was her husband who left her when he realized that he could not have absolute control over her.
All this happened when a few years ago they finally decided to move to the city to have more opportunities. But it ended badly in the end. The truth is that things never end as expected. The two of them had gone together to make a new life and suddenly everything was over, leaving her all alone. They never had children because Nina was sterile.
Some time later she began to feel some pains in her belly. The pain started as a tingling, one of those that you decide to ignore because who has time to worry? Weeks went by and between long shifts and sleepless nights, she kept making excuses not to pay attention to that pain that was getting stronger and stronger in her belly. “Maybe it's just the stress of work,” she told herself. But there came a point when she simply couldn't ignore it anymore. She decided she had to go to the doctor. A few days later, she went for a consultation.
That consultation with the doctor was brief but very devastating. Before giving her the results, he asked her. Did someone come with you? Or can we call a relative of yours? Her answer was no, because she has no one in town. And the relatives she does have live far away from the city. The doctor really wanted to give the diagnosis to someone else so that he could process it better. But seeing that there was no other option, he finally decided to tell her. You have cancer Nina, the doctor told her. It's a tumor you have near your uterus. Maybe that's why you've never been able to have children. The problem is that the cancer is late stage Nina, the doctor told her again. There's not much we can do. The only possible treatment is chemotherapy to slow the tumor's progression, but this will not eliminate it, so we can't tell you for sure how long you have to live, the doctor told her with a lot of pain.
That day Nina's life ended as she knew it. So many things went through her head that cannot be described. She left the office feeling as if she were walking in a fog where she could see nothing, and the first image that came to her mind, strange as it seemed, was that of the guitar. “It's absurd,” he thought, but the one thing he had not been able to accomplish in his life and now he knew that the time he had left was gold. So if he was going to do it he had to make up his mind as soon as possible. The next few days passed like a blurry dream. Nina continued to work, because what else could she do? But every evening, as she closed the restaurant and walked home, she felt the weight of the news crushing her. Still, she kept stopping by the music store. There was something about that guitar that kept calling to her, like a tiny spark in the midst of all that darkness. One night, when the pain was so bad she could barely move, she knew she had to do something. “Maybe it's desperation,” she thought, but the next day, with a knot in her stomach, she walked through the door of the store.
There was a guitar that was cheap and worn out, but she didn't care about that. When the salesman tried to offer her something better, she almost burst out laughing. “I'm not here to buy the best guitar, I'm here to buy that guitar,” she said with determination. In the end, she took it home like someone taking home a piece of hope wrapped in wood and strings, and that same night she tried to play her first notes. Obviously she didn't know how to play, but somehow, that discomfort of not knowing how to play made her feel more present, more alive because now she had in her hands the way to fulfill her wish.
In the weeks that followed, her routine changed. Now, after each grueling shift, she would sit in the old armchair in her living room and practice until her fingers went numb. It wasn't pretty, or romantic. In fact, it felt more like a battle than a moment of inspiration. Some nights, frustration would bring her to tears. “Why can't I get it right?” she wondered. Others, the simple sensation of holding the guitar gave her a kind of calm she couldn't explain. The cancer pain was still there, getting stronger and stronger, but by playing, she managed to forget it, if only for a little while. She was watching tutorials on the internet to learn.
But you see, when he started treatment, things became more complicated. He would run out of strength after each session and many times, all he wanted to do was lie in bed and sleep. “Just a little more. Just one more song,” she would say to herself, trying to motivate herself. Her financial situation was getting more complicated every week. “I can't afford many more sessions,” if because she had now subscribed to several online courses. Truth be told, the thought of giving up playing terrified her.
In that week in the midst of all the sea of problems she was having there was one day that was somewhat special. You see in the middle of her break while she was eating lunch, and at the same time playing a little guitar. Well as she was doing this an older man with gray hair and tired eyes came into the restaurant and made a comment to her. “Nice tune,” he said, ‘do you play an instrument?’. The conversation flowed so naturally that when he offered to play at a small local event, her initial reaction was to say no. “I don't think I'm ready for that,” she replied. But before she could stop herself, she heard herself saying yes. So she said to herself inwardly, “This may be one of the last chances I have to do this, I mustn't pass it up.” So she finally said yes.
During the days leading up to the event, the truth is that fear consumed her, and more than once she was on the verge of canceling. “What am I doing?” she wondered. “I'm just a waitress with a cheap guitar and a disease that won't let me breathe.” But the need to play was stronger than her fear, stronger even than the constant pain in her side. So he kept practicing, until the day of the event arrived. When he arrived he saw that the small bar was packed, though not in the way he had imagined. People seemed relaxed, some laughing quietly, others chatting without paying much attention. She walked onto the stage on shaky legs and, as she looked out at the audience, something in her chest gave her satisfaction.
Do you know why? Because it wasn't a room full of strangers, but of people who somehow understood what it meant to be there. Many of them had also spent years practicing or with the desire to be in a group where everyone had the same passion. So she stopped feeling alone, this gave her more amino for that moment. She closed her eyes and let her fingers move, playing a melody that had been born in one of those lonely nights, and thanks to her constant practices. When she finished everyone applauded her for a while, so much so that she lost count of how many times she gave thanks. Nina came down from the stage very happy and in that instant, she knew that, no matter what happened next, she had won something that not even cancer could take away from her.
The following months were hard. Reality hit her hard again, and sometimes she felt foolish for having believed that music could change anything. “Maybe it was just wishful thinking,” she thought in her darkest moments. However, that small victory at the bar had given her something more valuable than fame or recognition, for this had given her the certainty that, come what may, she would keep playing, if only for herself.
