Being a parent is tough. Kids, man. They are a roller coaster. I still remember that moment, just after having our first, when it was finally time to check out of the hospital. We strapped him into his carrier, walked out the door, and then look around awkwardly. "Now what?" Apparently, the doctor and nurses who have been giving you every instructions for the past couple days don't go home with you.
We did not feel qualified to be responsible for the life of this small human.
Now we have three kids. We still don't feel qualified most of time. But we've learned that we can do it. And the occasional book doesn't hurt.
So, as the parents of two little girls, my wife and I recently started reading Bringing Up Girls, by Dr. James Dobson. We're not quite done with the book yet, but there was one particular section that stood out to me. And in the midst of a culture that deems masculinity toxic, regards fathers as unnecessary, and celebrates single motherhood as a vision of female empowerment, these words are more needed now that ever.
Girls whose fathers provide warmth and control achieve greater academic success.
Girls who are close to their fathers exhibit less anxiety and withdrawal behaviors.
Parental connectedness is the number one factor in preventing girls from engaging in premarital sex and indulging in drugs and alcohol.
Daughters who believe that their fathers care about them have significantly fewer suicide attempts and fewer instances of body dissatisfaction, depression, low self-esteem, substance abuse, and unhealthy weight.
Girls with father or father figures are twice as likely to stay in school.
Girls whose parents divorce or separate before they turn twenty-one tend to have shorter life spans by four years.
Girls with good fathers are less likely to seek male attention by flaunting themselves.
Girls who live with their mothers and fathers (as opposed to mothers only) have significantly fewer growth developmental delays, and fewer learning disabilities, emotional disabilities, and behavioral problems.
Girls who live with their mothers only have significantly less ability to control impulses and delay self-gratification, and have a weaker sense of conscience about right and wrong.*
Daughters need daddies. They need them just as badly as they need mothers.
Today's culture likes to rag on the nuclear family. That's because it represents two things we've come to detest: Tradition and patriarchy. We like to mock tradition. And patriarchy we dismiss as an oppressive, cultural construct, long past its expiration date.
But traditions exist for a reason. And traditional family structure exists because it works. And it works because that's how God has designed it. Children need both a mom and a dad. And not just a dad, but a dad who loves. And not just a dad who loves, but a dad who leads.
Perhaps, for the sake of our girls, we should take a look at what it means to be a progressive society. Because right now, we're progressing away from their wellbeing.
*Dobson provides references to supporting studies for each of these claims. For further research, I'll refer you to the book proper.
