Fellow Steemians!
Here is a short story I wrote that I'm very proud of and I want to expand upon. I'm looking for feedback, critique, and suggestions!
DIARY EXCERPT #1: 2/2/11- 10:30AM
A couple of minutes ago, an idea popped into my head. This idea should hopefully be easier for me to stick with until it’s completed. It seems like every idea I have and every project I start, I don’t finish because I get tired, discouraged and overwhelmed by all the work that has to be done for them to succeed.
Anyway, my idea is this; make a series of short films on concepts I want to share and topics that I and/or others feel strongly about then upload them to my blog. I am thinking that these shorts will serve as the creative outlet I have been craving and be a heck of a lot easier for me to accomplish.
Thank you dear brother for showing me the light of synchronicity, for it has rekindled the embers of my inspiration! “If something does not work out, change it until it does.” Though, I’m going to end here for the moment. I need a break and some food.
END OF EXCERPT
As a young man with short dark hair writes in his journal, a figure stands beside him, silent, watchful though by no means menacing. The figure appears to be male and his features are akin to those of the writer.
A little while later, the journalist takes a break from his writing and steps back from his desk to stretch, he hears a “ding” from his computer signalling an incoming message. He goes over to his computer and presses the spacebar to receive the message. Seconds later, a friendly and all familiar face appears on the screen.
“Li” the young man on the computer screen says, “Xanis is back and wants to see you when you are free.”
“Thanks man, I’ll be right down.” Li replies.
Li grabs his crutches that are leaning against the wall next to the door and sets off to find Xanis.
En route to Xanis’s living space, Li passes through the lobby.
The lobby is truly the heart of the SEU living complex which is a wide expansive space with a high ceiling that is now revealing overcast skies. Li looks intently around the lobby; it is a habit that he developed since his twin passed. His eyes fall onto the inscription on the base of the waterfall which reads, “This Sustainable Energy Unit was certified by the ESA and is the sole property of the government.”
The government slogan is also part of the inscription and if it was translated into the common tongue, it would roughly be the equivalent of saying “living breath”. As Li stares at the inscription, his mind recalls the events of the very first time he laid his eyes on the complex.
“Why are we here brother? I do not have a good feeling about this, and with the toxin affecting our abilities, I won’t be able to get a good read on anyone.” Li asks his brother in anxious tones. He uses mind speech so he does not betray their positions, amongst the bushes and the night’s sky.
“No worries twin, this is a necessary step. Just think of all the good we can do! There might be resources here that will help us find a way to reverse the toxin and if we make this complex the headquarters of the resistance, the government won’t bother us. They wouldn’t dare risk damaging their precious property for the likes of us.” Erom answers in a whisper.
“Ready?” Erom allows his question to flow like water through the connection between the two brothers.
“Yes.” Li sends back.
Erom places a hand on Li’s shoulder as a gesture of reassurance though the simple act of projecting his thoughts into his brother’s mind did a lot to put Li at ease.
Then the smoky scent of Thyme gently touches Li’s mind and guides him out of his reverie. Li refocuses on his present surroundings, breathes in fragrances of the fresh herbs wafting in from the greenhouse and makes a mental note to go there and visit Ara. Then a girl that Li doesn’t recognize waves to him and starts walking toward him. Li returns the wave and walks up to meet the girl.
“My name is Miekanna-Raye, Mieka for short. I am new. Xanis sends his apologies and wanted me to tell you that he will meet with you later. He was just called away by the Droves.” the girl abruptly states in response to the mild puzzlement on Li’s face.
Li’s facial expression smoothens as he thanks Mieka for relaying Xanis’s message. He tells her where he is going to be, just in case his brother finishes with the Droves before he leaves Ara’s. Li shakes Mieka’s hand and adds a few words in parting, “welcome home sib”. The two exchange a smile and then Li heads off in the direction of the greenhouse.
DIARY EXCERPT #1 CONTINUED: 8:26PM
Fear can manifest itself in many ways. It may come in the form of a helpful warning or trip you up in not so convenient times. It can rob you of everything you hold dear and commit other heinous crimes. Twisting and mutilating your life into something you scarcely recognize; from safe familiarity to the nightmare before your eyes.
END OF EXCERPT
Li enters the greenhouse and finds Ara, its ageless, regal-looking caretaker hard at work. Though, Ara would hardly call caring for the plants work, because she treats them as her friends.
“How is the pain?” Ara asks, after wrapping Li in a warm embrace.
“Better, thank you. The Beswellia you gave me seems to be helping.”
Li had injured his leg on the first night at the SEU, the night that Erom died. Government officials lain in wait to ambush the rebels. Even though the resistance were unaware of the trap, they managed to take the complex.
“I’m glad that your pain is lessening. So, what can I help you with, dear one?” The herbalist wondered.
But before Li responds to Ara’s question, his communication device crackled, and then the two heard Xanis’s voice utter in a low but clear tone, “the Droves have betrayed us. They are coming!”
'Til next time!
