Weekend Engagement # 91 - Without

I do not consider myself or call myself a photographer. Today I trawled through thousands of my photographs in search of three. I was flooded by an array of emotions while I opened individual ones from the filmstrip view to enlarge that captured moment.

There were so many that spoke to my heart and transported me back in time. Some elicited sadness for people now gone from this life, some elicited meniacal laughter at how silly I've been in terms of facial expressions. Some elicited disgust at the appaling quality of the photo taken and an immediate "where's the delete key?" response.

I am not a fancy person. I have never wanted to be famous or own riches beyond the wildest dreams of most. For all intents and purposes I've lived a very average life looking in from the outside. Boring may possibly be a good description.

Perhaps even I had come to believe that to a certain degree. I've had hard times, experienced bad things - many have experienced worse. I've visited some wonderful places but I've never been willing to call myself a traveller (until more recently I suppose). I've had some beautiful experiences that will remain with me forever.

There is a lot of me that very few people get to know, I'm a private person for sensible reasons. One of my personal motivators to continue on Hive has been for Lory - my daughter. I would like her to have a journal of sorts that one day (when I'm gone) she can look back through and know how very much she is loved and cherished.

Yes, we have our mommy/daughter arguments and she sometimes gives me the silent treatment when I say "no Lory you can't have wafer ice cream sandwiches for lunch, only for dessert AFTER supper" (this happened today infact) - but we always end up hugging each other and apologising, talking it out and deciding to go back to being a team (I'm convinced that it's mostly because she can't drive ~ away from me ~ yet).

So even though I probably have about 3000 treasured photos - each with a story and emotions tied to each - today I chose these 3 to share here.

Dear Lory ...

I am honoured to be your mom. Thank you for capturing these moments in time with me ❤️

The photo on the left was taken two days after your first birthday. Look at those cute front toofies of yours. Gosh so cute. Ok ok I'll stop gushing.

You were wearing the jearsey that your Ouma (Grandmother) knitted for you with bunny ears on the hood. I bought that wool for her so many years before you were born and she kept it for "something special" she used to say. She loved you very much.

The photo on the right was taken just after you had started walking and you were so proud of yourself! I am so proud of you, the loving and giving person that you are. I hope that I have taught you as much as you have taught me.

The middle photo is of the two of us in the middle of one of the most scary and difficult times of my life and yet, I had two big reasons for that smile on my face.

Lory whatever life throws at you, there will be reasons to smile - even when it feels like the world is pitted against you - find and appreciate the reasons that you smile - whether it's brought to your face by the words of a someone special to you, or the feel good story you read today - be grateful. Even if it's only the first sip of coffee in the morning, a pretty photo someone sends you of a flower in their garden, the thank you message from a client you got three years ago, waffles with ice cream and syrup for breakfast - there is always a reason to smile and keep putting one foot infront of the other. Never give up, never give in. Keep on trucking my girl. You got this!