Bereft - Céibhfhionn awakens

It had been months since she had the first dream, it felt like a lifetime though.

The first dream where she had opened the door and he was standing right there. It was so real, as if she could reach out and touch him. Funny thing about dreams within dreams like that. Reality becomes a slippery eel, something you just don't know how to hold onto - and sometimes you don't want to, especially when the dream is warm and welcoming, comforting and feels like home.

This morning was different though. Céibhfhionn rolled over in bed trying to get away from the sunlight streaming in through her window. It seemed to claw at the blankets to get at her and bring her round. She didn't want to wake up just yet. Sleep had been elusive and broken, sharp edged like razors and yet dull and heavy like tarnished lead. The birds were being their happy selves and singing her a wake up call, but she didn't want to hear it today. He hadn't visited her in her dreams last night.

Reluctantly she opened her eyes. The room was exactly as it had been every day before, but there was something different. It felt different. Something tugged at her awareness... Wait - she felt different. It wasn't the room at all. She was bereft. Cast away on a flat ocean, solitary, isolated, a vast expanse of emptiness all around her mirrored the feeling she had inside. It was silent and barren.

She got out of bed and slowly made her way to the hearth. The fire was gone, just small embers glowing faintly surrounded by ash from the fire the night before. She absent mindedly pulled out some kindling and some wood from the small log pile laid alongside the fireplace and she laid it down on the embers. After what seemed like an eternity, the fire was alight, she stared into the flames, bound by light but seeing nothing, feeling nothing but that dull ache. She wasn't even sure if she was there right then, floating between here and somewhere else. She sullenly awaited the boiling water so she could have coffee and start the day. It was a laborious and lethargic, tedious morning so far. The air felt heavy and difficult to wade through. Her throat was dry and it felt difficult to breathe at times.

She sat there staring into nothing, waiting. She made her coffee and took her first sip, but it was tasteless to her today. There were no delicious tones of Arabian hand picked coffee bliss, there were no highlights of sweetness on her palate on her second sip. She was good at making coffee, but it was bland and lifeless today.

She had grown accustomed to journaling her dreams in the morning but today she had sat at her desk - quill in hand, staring at a blank page. The occasional tear stain dotted the parchment, but she had nothing to penn down and it made her want to scream, but her voice was gone. Nobody would hear her anyway. There was nobody around for miles.

Her mind wandered a little bit and started thinking about that first dream. She had it all written down, but she could remember it in her mind like it was yesterday.

The way they had stood there staring into each others eyes for ages until his upheld hand started to hurt and as he lowered it, she took it in hers, turning it over, looking at his fingers, studying them. "You have beautiful hands" she had said. She was a curious creature and she wanted to learn every feature of his.
Him smiling wryly at her oddness that he knew so well, piping up "Hi Céibhfhionn, it's nice to meet you. I'm Gwydion".

She had been so transfixed in the moment that when he spoke she slowly looked up at him - his voice was like music to her and her eyes widened slightly and shone meadow green. She came around and composed herself, a big smile creeping onto her face. He watched as his words transformed her and she was suddenly so alive and animated. She watched his face too, how he was so serious at the start and then he smiled. His smile was hypnotic to her and contagious at the same time. She remembered she still had his hand and feeling foolish changed her grasp so as to shake it in some hope of not looking like a crazed lunatic, but she was lost to him.

He didn't mind her awkwardness, it amused him and he found himself almost chuckling at this odd meeting.
But they both knew they weren't strangers. They didn't know how or why or when, but this wasn't their first meeting.

She realized that she was doing that awkward thing again and hadn't answered his introduction. "I'm so sorry Gwydion, I'm a bit of a weirdo, please excuse my odd ways just now - I'm Céibhfhionn"

Still smiling, she gestured him inside "welcome to my home, may my hearth be yours to warm your stay".

Once inside, they had sat down and talked together over coffee. Céibhfhionn remembered the taste of that cup of coffee. It was strong and rich with flavour, like it was liquid love that she was drinking, romancing her tastebuds. It was the perfect temperature and the smell of it filled the room and gave it an enchanted atmosphere. The coffee was complimentary to his company and oh, how wondrous his company was! She felt euphoric sitting there while they spoke about all manner of things. The first time they spoke but he could make her laugh so easily and after two hours, knowing she could sit there all day and drink him in, listen to him spinning yarns of years ago from his life and all his adventures, follies and warding the town, she gestured to his boots. She knew that if she didn't, she would be absolutely powerless and vulnerable.

As he handed them to her, her hand softly brushed his and the contact sent his heart racing. It was electric and he totally lost his composure for a second, missing the words. The sentence he was in completely vanished. Moments passed and she glanced away from his boots to his face. He had been watching how lovingly she was turning the boots over, touching the stitching - and the yearning and passion he had kept in check all day flared up and engulfed him.

He took the boots out of her hands and dropped them to the floor, then gently moved the stray lock of hair away from her eyes. He took her hands in his and he locked eyes with her as he lifted her tiny hands to his lips and kissed them. Exclaiming "Céibhfhionn it has taken me a lifetime of searching to find you"

She had dropped her guard an hour ago, they had such an easy comfort. Her soul had recognized his and she replied "I'm so sorry it took me so long to find you too"

They didn't need to exchange any other words, he pulled her up into his arms and held her, she closed her eyes and listened to his rhythmic heart beat. It was the perfect moment. A moment that was tinged with longing and comfort and that smelled like coffee, magic and fairytales. It was beautiful. He was so very beautiful to her. A beautiful soul. She never wanted that moment to end, but the vision became hazy as the dream faded and consciousness settled on her.

Céibhfhionn had woken up that morning feeling warm and loved. She wanted to live in his embrace forever. That morning cup of coffee had tasted like liquid love and her home smelled divine. It was a good day and he never left her thoughts as if he was with her always. She took him everywhere with her that day and every day since.

---

Céibhfhionn looked down at the doodle she had been drawing while reminiscing. The leaf on her desk tattered and brittle. Cast away on a flat ocean, solitary, isolated, a vast expanse of emptiness all around her mirrored the feeling she had inside. It was silent and barren, but in that dream, she had felt warm and loved. She had found home, if only for that brief moment in time and it felt beautiful to her. He was beautiful to her. A beautiful soul. Her heart ached for him. For them. For another place and time entirely where they would find each other again.

She felt helpless, but never hopeless. Without hope we are doomed she used to say, it had become a mantra he had taught her. She placed the parchment in her journal and wept. It had been so real to her. The loss of him even in her dreams was all consuming.....