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Have you ever noticed how some relationships around you aren't stable? Always seeming out of balance? Relationships that seem to continue despite all rational reasoning? Maybe you noticed one or two, maybe you also have found yourself in one. Have you ever wondered why would people continue in relationships while being abused? I know I have, and this is my attempt at understanding how these relationships last a long time, a lifetime sometimes.
To start this journey we must to Sweden on the 23rd of August 1973. An armed robbery attempt broke in one of the biggest banks in Sweden where Jan Erik Olsson, a criminal on parole at the time, attempted to rob the bank. The bank was quickly surrounded by police forces, which led to Jan taking everyone in the bank as hostages, threatening that he would kill them if police interfere in his desperation.
That situation continued for six whole days, the hostages were under constant threat of death as there were weapons and they were tied with explosives. On the 28th of August, six days later, the police saved the hostages and sent them all home peacefully.
What's interesting about that event is that during his trial, not one of the hostages agreed to testify against him. Not only that, they started donation campaigns to get Jan a good lawyer.
To explain the situation, the police resorted to psychiatrist Nils Bejerot. Nils named this odd phenomenon "Stockholm Syndrome", after the city in Sweden where the robbery occurred. It was also referred to later as "Traumatic bonding", or "Terror bonding".
According to Nils Bejerot, Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological state in which people would develop positive feelings toward their abusers. That's not a rare occurrence, often when put under this level of horror and threats, they go through what some scientist called "Infantilization", their view of their abusers is that of a child to their parent as they view them as they see them as a source of good and evil, reward and punishment. Accompanying those feelings is a feeling of reassurance like the ones we feel toward our caregiver.
Simple humanitarian actions, like providing hostages food or just letting them be alive, resulted in seemingly out-of-place feelings of gratitude. During the Stockholm bank robbery, a hostage named Elisabeth Oldgreen suffered from claustrophobia, Jan would allow her to leave the basement under one condition; she would have a rope tied around her neck. During the investigation, she described that action as kind, even though he was the one who put them in that situation in the first place.
If we look at this from a purely psychological point, such behavior is related to a person's survival instinct. The survival instinct is the main instinct we have as humans, it doesn't stand to reason or consciousness if it stands in the way of survival. Thomas Strentz, an expert negotiator, said that the survival instinct of humans facing death is much stronger than that of hating someone else.
According to some explanations, the human mind resorts to a defense mechanism when facing death, a strategy that the subconscious applies to subvert the painful reality. A defense mechanism to protect oneself from anxiety caused by unacceptable conditions. So when put under a certain amount of threats and pressure for a long enough time, it results in behavior and having feelings that don't make sense to survive.
In her 1936 book "The Ego and the Mechanism of Defense, Anna Freud suggested that there is plenty of defense mechanism which can be utilized by the subconscious mind. Different terms were mentioned by her that you may recognize like repression, displacement, denial, and one that is the most related to this subject is "Identification with the Aggressor".
Identification with the aggressor suggests that not only does the abused or the aggressed start having positive feelings toward the abuser or the aggressor but actually as time progresses they start to mimic and gain some of the aggressor's behavior and characteristics. One of the most famous examples of that is Patty Hearst, granddaughter of the American businessman and publicist William Randolph Hearst.
Patty Hearst was kidnapped by the Symbionese Liberation Army or SLA for short. She was later arrested after attempting to rob a bank with the same criminal that kidnapped, raped, and abused her, simply put. Therefore the woman who was abused ended up thinking the same way as her abusers.
Some scientists suggest that victims often try to find a logical reason as to why they are treated that way. While attempting to find the reason, the victim starts gaining characteristics akin to her aggressor believing that it would lead her to avoid or escape such abuse and not go through it again. The cause of such phenomena can, according to some scientists, be either psychological or physiological.
The scientist noticed that such people also go through physiological changes. In specific an area in the brain called "The Limbic System", this system is responsible for processing feelings and memories so it is quite possible that under heavy pressure and through the previously mentioned defense mechanisms some parts of this system would be triggered unnaturally. Such triggering results in an irrational response, turning a victim to have a mindset of an aggressor.
Parts in the brain like the "Amygdala", the part of the brain the deals in a way with emotions such as fear. When triggered, starts developing feelings toward the aggressor, in some cases, those feelings can be positive. All of a sudden the victim starts noticing things like how caring the aggressor might be. Victims of toxic or abusive relationships could go through psychogenic amnesia or a malfunction that could lead to memory loss. The latter could happen when you take another area in the brain called "Hippocampus" into account.
The hippocampus is responsible for turning events in our lives from short-term memories into long-term memories. Thus, certain aggressive or abusive events can be forgotten by the victim as a result of psychogenic amnesia.
Stockholm syndrome doesn't have its science written in stone as we keep coming across breakthroughs and find previous misconceptions as days go by. It could occur as a result of criminal behavior. However, it could also occur in our daily lives. We are quite aware of the term "abusive relationships", a type of relationship where one party abuses the other party, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally.
The abused in such relationships feel that they need the abuser as they paint themselves as helpless and weak therefore in need of the abuser to go through life. The mindset of the victim suggests that since the abuser can harm them, they can also protect them, this phenomenon is known as "The Battered Woman Syndrome". Named after women because of the amounts of reports where abused end up not testifying or filing a complaint against the abuser. Not only that, but they also justify those actions. The latter comes as a result of a deep belief that there is no way to get rid of the harm caused by the abuser, therefore, this is the only way to continue living.
Not only women, children who often suffer from violence in the household sometimes deny its existence completely, a phenomenon known as "The Battered Child Syndrome". The child here defends their abuser and denies all accusations believing that the harm they go through, is in their best interest.
While admittedly that the odds of you getting caught up as a hostage in a bank robbery isn't high, falling into the trap of emotional blackmail and manipulation, as well as finding yourself in an abusive or toxic relationship is rather high. Therefore, I plead with anyone reading this to realize that any abuse or toxicity you face shouldn't be treated as a sealed fate to which you should surrender yourself. Nor should you think of such harm or abuse as beneficiary.
I also hope that by reading this you would be more understanding of your situation in case you are in a toxic or abusive relationship. As well as become more understanding toward people going through such abuse and dismiss them as stupid, naïve, or have somehow brought it on themselves just because they are hard to convince at the start. Be more patient and compassionate toward those going through abuse as it is not in their hands as much as you might think. And they, along with you, in case that is something you are going through, simply deserve better.
Make sure to check out the sources below for further reading into the subject.
Stockholm syndrome
Understanding Stockholm Syndrome
The Stockholm Syndrome: Traumatic Bonding
Defense mechanism(Britannica)
Defense Mechanisms(Simplypsychology)
Identification with the Aggressor
What Causes Stockholm Syndrome?
