I believe I also said, "try incorporating more punchlines and jokes in the middle of it as this is kinda coming off as a one-punchline long joke."

Admittedly, this is an improvement. But it doesn't need to be longer for the sake of being longer. I'd suggest checking out others' works here, specifically, among many,@writermaximus. His latest one is a great place to start.

Good job on improving, though. Very grown up of you to take criticism and try again.