![1000192406.jpg](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tikatarot/EoiVh2NAHWMUrBTBn5VRhY7EtbLovjTR9hwBtVyJuWqAFaaaJMfMTkCnzkgBbpqmapp.jpg) ![topfeather.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tikatarot/jVIY8Tx5-top-feather.png) I’ve observed what someone else has built, felt the familiar drop in my chest, dressing in the language of discernment when the truer word for it has always been envy, I’ve observed what someone else has built, felt measuring your own interior against the finished exterior of someone else's years of invisible work, I’ve observed what someone else has built, what I was doing into something that felt less necessary and less valid simply because it was not yet as far along, When I see someone doing the thing I want to be doing, I feel the pull toward them as proof of what is possible or the pull away from my own work as proof of what I am not, I’ve observed what someone else has built, despite the fact that the cost of their work has taken away hours of my own building time that I had no control over, I still handed it over to them… I’ve forgotten that even the person I compare myself to had a day when nothing worked and no one was watching, I’ve forgotten that when I see someone’s achievement, I see the destination, not the entire journey, including the seasons it looked blank from the outside, I’ve forgotten that envy is information about my direction, not a verdict on my likelihood of arriving, the difference changes everything I do next, If I redirected every single hour I usually spend comparing things toward building the thing I actually want to build with the time I have been given, I’ve often forgotten that someone else pursuing my passion isn’t a barrier, but a confirmation that my passion exists and is open to me if I take the step to pursue it all the way… I’ve convinced myself that my unique history, limitations, and lack of certain qualities make it possible for me to achieve this particular thing, I’ve told myself that the gap between my current state and my desired state is different from the gaps others have crossed, the opportunities they had require something I lack, I’ve told myself this repeatedly, with elaborate and specific evidence, making it feel like honest self-assessment, but it was just a sophisticated way to stay where I was without admitting fear, What specific evidence shows that achieving my goal is impossible, rather than challenging, uncomfortable, uncertain, and requiring me to persist beyond my usual stopping point, I’ve convinced myself that my desires are unattainable for someone like me, it prevents me from trying, but it also prevents me from noticing people who are already doing it and look just like me… I’ve witnessed people defy what I thought impossible, feeling simultaneously glad for them and undone by their actions whenever evidence contradicts my settled limits, I’ve witnessed people arrive at a place where I said the road isn’t straight, they had to choose between updating the map or defending it as I haven’t always chosen the honest and more easy option, I’ve witnessed the proof in action, yet I’ve always found a way to explain why it didn’t apply to me, and the explaining has always cost more than admitting the rest of painful beginnings, What should I do when I have evidence that my goal is achievable, but someone else who wanted the same thing succeeded despite facing challenges, I’ve witnessed people do what I said could not be done, and watching has been the most satisfying thing in equal measure as I am still learning how to let it be both without turning one of them into a reason to stop... Watchwords: Envy dressed in the language of discernment, The arrived-at place without the road behind it, A sophisticated way of staying where I was, Defending the map instead of updating it, Generative and destabilizing in equal measure... ![bottomfeather.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tikatarot/bYIitQga-bottom-feather.png) *** Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, *“Who am I?”..* *** *** As and will always be reminding you to dream: *“As you are still the Master of your destiny and the maker of your dreams…”* ![tikatarot sign.png](https://files.peakd.com/file/peakd-hive/tikatarot/cUPh7Abd-tikatarot20sign.png)

Cinderella dressed in yellow