The silence which filled the whole air made me realize how vacant Tina's room has been, even though it's been Six days since she left without a goodbye.
Obviously I was living in denial. Reality hit me harder when the stereo started playing her favorite song and there was nobody to tilt and sing along to it.
"Joana, that's my favorite artist right there.." Tina always reminded me how much she loved Ashley Kutcher and how she couldn't help but sing along to the "Favorite What If" Song by Ashley. I tried back to hold the hot tears from falling down my cheek as I turned off the song. "Oh poor Tina!" I whispered subtly.
The book she last read "every woman" Was still sitting pretty on the table.
Every scent taunted my memories of all the things Tina loved to do,her favorite perfume, her favorite meal aroma still lingers in her room.
If I had known that Saturday would be her last, I would have told her, how much I loved her. She was my soul sister.
How can I stand the thought of not having her around, holding her and even hearing her sing.
"It's time I move out of this goddamn house," I soliloquized and began to pack my stuff into my mini travelling box. Since, I have a cousin in Texas, relocating will the best decision to help my mind heal faster. While I tried to zip the box, the zipper of the suitcase snagged on a stray sweater, the one Tina lent me two weeks ago, and never asked back for it. I yanked at it and then let out a soft sob.
I grabbed my car keys, lingering to leave the house I once had so many memories but I knew it's time to move on. So I blasted in the "Favorite What if" song as I drove off, nodding my head to evey thing Ashley Kutcher said.
It's the only thing I can always hold onto. The song began to make more sense to me, as I paid a closer attention to the lyrics.
I wasn't just driving away from a house, In my hearts of heart, I knew I was driving toward a version of me that could eventually listen to our song without breaking.
It wouldn't be today I'm certain, and it probably wouldn't be tomorrow. But as I pulled into the driveway of my new life, I realized that even if she was my "favorite what if," she would always be my favorite part of who I used to be and it wouldn't feel like a vacuum anymore but a promise I'll hold onto!
P. S
I got inspired by the song to write a flash fiction and I enjoyed doing this.
Images used is mine.
Amie,
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