Confident people don’t need to be the most important personality in the room. They know they have strengths, and they acknowledge that others do, too. They’re also secure enough in themselves to give credit and praise to others without feeling like it detracts from their own self-worth.
No one likes to be around a superiority complex, but the reason cockiness can be so unattractive is that it comes off as a cover for insecurity. We’ve all been on that conversation in which the person across the table can’t be distracted from their most cherished topic of conversation: themselves. (Let’s be honest, many of us have been that person on at least one occasion.) There are compelling reasons why self-talk is tempting, and it often has less to do with self-absorption than you might think.
Chattering on about yourself is a way of reminding yourself and others that you are an interesting person, complete with fascinating experiences and anecdotes. Not surprisingly, we tend to gravitate toward the subjects where we derive our insecurities because that’s often exactly what we assume others need to hear. Men who are self-conscious about their bank accounts launch into endless descriptions of their home, their car and their career goals. A woman who feels unattractive might rattle on about her many admirers, or obsess over an ex-boyfriend.
When we talk excessively about ourselves, we are in a kind of safety zone. It’s a topic on which we are extremely well-informed.If you only share the version of yourself from your own stories, you can be sure that no one catches a glimpse of your flaws, right?
Unfortunately, you’re actually revealing your insecurities with your overcompensation, while at the same time boring others with what reads as self-absorption. If you never slow down and listen, and remain open to talking about unfamiliar topics, you’re sending the message that you’re full of yourself–or worse: unsure of yourself.
Confident people are charismatic, successful and sexy. They invite you to accept–even admire–them because they accept and admire themselves. The concept of radiating confidence is deceptive because a confident person–a person who is truly happy with who he or she is–is not trying to radiate anything. When you recognize your own worth, you don’t need to prove it to others; they will notice your success, your attractiveness, and your unquestionable value because you do!
Namaste
