I have gone through times that were not too different from what you've described here, so I know a bit about how you feel. I don't have any fancy words to offer you, but I do understand. My brain is chemically unbalanced also, although probably not as much. To be closer to balanced would be nice...
I've probably told you this before, but you're still one of my favorite song writers.
If I wasn't old, and such an introvert, I would be playing them in front of people...2020 damaged my interest in being around people, and I'm still that way...