I am raised hearing the proverbial stories that utter the importance of loving others at the cost of one’s own life if you want to become great. For instance it is said that the greatness of a candle lies in burning for others; the greatness of a river lies in giving water to others etc. etc. As a woman in a patriarchal society when you have been hearing these things through out your life, and the values that are taught to you are to give sacrifices for your loved ones, there is no reason to not develop an ability to devalue yourself. That has been the case with me to much extent.
I always thought that the greatness of a person lies in how much s/he makes sacrifices to make others satisfied. I did this. I kept caring for others’ needs, desires, demands and expectations. I supressed my wishes, ruined my dreams and surrendered my vision just to be a reason of smiles for others. Consequently, some other traits accompanied my personality. Being fearful about what others would think, being judgemental about my own self, being overly critical for my doings, being afraid of self-expression and being in self-doubts most of the time are some of the traits at the top of the list. When you live with such anxiety causing emotions and feelings, your well being is at stake. Not only mental well being but your physical health too; and it makes a cycle. One thing causing and reinforcing another constantly. The result is disastrous. That's what happened to me. I developed several health issues and was diagnosed with clinical depression. Nothing would make me happy. I had no love for life. If there was anything I could see was darkness.
I had burnt myself just like the exemplary candle but what the result was! I was no longer able to love anyone else. Positive emotions had depleted inside me. The traditional stories had always taught me to sacrifice in order to have noble life, but what I was experiencing was life living like a dead. It is worse than being really dead. Damn to these stories! They are just created to manipulate people’s emotion and to usurp their rights.
It took me a long time to understand that I cannot love anyone else unless I love myself. To make others happy it was crucial for me to experience happiness myself. In order to illuminate others' life it is pivotal to have light with you. How you can give something to others that you don’t own!
Self-love doesn’t at all means that you no longer care for others emotions and needs. Instead, self-love means to have the feeling of worthiness for one’s ownself as much as we give value to others. Self-love is not merely a one time expression or gesture, instead it is an attitude of being considerate and compassionate with one own self. It is about feeling worthy regardless of what others speak of us. It is about developing positive outlook for one’s personality and life.
Since I have understood the importance of self-love I have been modifying my attitudes. I allow myself to fail. I try to avoid beating myself for the unaccomplished tasks. I don’t allow others opinion to dominate me. I cannot stop people thinking what they do; I have simply stopped caring for what they think. I just do what I feel would make me happy. However, I make sure I might not be a reason for trouble in anyone’s life. Instead of bearing the misbehavior quietly I let others know when I am hurt. I engage in activities that I love doing.
With the attitude of self-love I am living a life with better mental and physical health. I am more capable of supporting and caring others. I have understood the secret that in the saying, “Love your neighbor as yourself” yourself is the criteria. In order to have a kind heart for others, there is a need to have a similar kind of heart for yourself.
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This is my participation for Hive Learner’s featured prompt for week 45, edition 1.
