What a beautifully written reflection of your spiritual journey. I feel like I have a deeper sense of you just reading this. And I respect the explorations, experiments, and challenges you endured that ultimately gave rise to your current way of being: flexible, open-minded, humble, and integrative. I feel so proud of you and all that you've done to maintain your sanity given your troubled childhood. It says so much about you that the older you got, your frameworks and ways of making sense of reality got more constructive, not destructive. Now that's something to respect.

With this, my unconscious sense of God as a person with a personality finally gave way to apprehending god as a system.

This made me stop in my tracks. Powerful.