When my grandparents grew old, they became hard to handle. My grandfather had advanced heart failure. My grandmother had delvolping Alzheimer's disease. My aunt had moved away, and my mother wouldn't help out. Being left on my own, I worked out a schedule for their medications and gardening, tended to wounds, made doctor's appointments, and made sure they got their meals.
One warm June day was particularly hectic. Both of my grandparents were in the garden when RayEl interrupted my coffee brake.
"Amber! Amber!", he yelled running toward the house, "Your grandfather! He needs you! Now!"
I abandoned my coffee and cookies and ran up the hill to see what was happening. Before reaching the gate I seen grandpa laying in the trench between the tomato plant rows.
"Grandpa!", I exclaimed running to his side. My grandmother heard my yell and saw grandpa on the ground.
"What happened?", she asked.
"He collapsed."
"Is he alive?"
"Yes."
Grandpa looked up at me then whispered, "You really are followed by God."
"Shh... Catch your breath. Just relax. I'll get the lawn mower to get you out of here." I looked over at RayEl, "You stay with him."
"I will."
I ran down the hill to the shed, hooked up the garden trailer to the lawn mower, and got back to the garden as quickly as I could. By the time I got back grandpa had taken a nitroglycerin tab and was waiting by the gate.
"I didn't know you had those pills. I thought you said you needed to get them refilled?"
"I forgot I put them in my coat pocket."
"I'm glad you remembered."
"I didn't. Your friend did."
I looked up at RayEl, "Thank you."
I got grandpa in the house and gave him his heart medication. All my attention was on grandpa, and I didn't realize RayEl had followed us into the house.
"Your grandmother is still in the garden.", RayEl said.
"You should go check on her.", my grandfather replied.
Out of habit, I ran outside to see what she was into. Sure enough, she was trying cut rusty barbedwire without safety equipment. I ran back up the hill and managed to stop her before she hurt herself. I walked her back down to the house.
I had gotten her interested in gathering some more transplants for the garden when RayEl approched me again.
"You need to check on your grandfather."
By now I was quite tired from running up and down the hill and seeing RayEl just standing there telling me to run upstairs did not set well.
Sharply I replied, "Look. If you're gonna be here on the farm, then you're gonna pull your weight. I can't leave grandma, so you go upstairs and check up on grandpa. Then report back to me. If he needs me, really needs me, then I'll go up. If not, I'll be with grandma.".
RayEl's eyes widened, as he stared at me. He didn't like the way I had just spoken to him, but he controlled himself. He went upstairs as I gathered some stakes for the garden. As I walked my grandmother outside, I spotted RayEl standing at the foot of the steps.
"Do I need to go upstairs?"
"No. He's sleeping.", he said, still slightly upset.
"Thank you.", I said, still cooling down. "Now that was helping."
The sharp comment irritated RayEl. He calmed himself by taking deep breaths. I left before he could say anything.
About a half hour passed and I got to thinking about how I had spoken to my Lord. I knew I couldn't leave at that moment since I had to keep my grandmother focused. I decided to work in the garden until grandma got tired. I figured both RayEl and I needed some space.
Another thirty minutes passed when suddenly I felt a very high frequency in my ears that made my head ache. I looked up and felt a large presence above the my house. The frequency was familiar to me. The only time I had felt the same frequency was when RayEl would speak to Father. 'Oh my.', I thought, I've waited too long to apologize.'. The high frequency started to make grandma sick to the stomach. I walked her down to her house and made her some ginger tea.
After grandma's stomach had settled, I excused myself and headed back to my house to receive my discipline. Walking through the yard, I noticed the large presence was gone, and the high frequency no longer filled the air. 'Well.. Father's gone.', I thought. I stepped into the kitchen to find RayEl sitting at table. He was quiet and his energy was subdued. He looked up at me, then looked back down at the table.
I walked over to him, "I shouldn't have...", but RayEl raised his hand to stop me.
"If you're getting ready to apologize, don't."
I was completely confused. "Why?", I asked.
RayEl rose from his chair then said, "I shouldn't have had to been told to check on your grandfather. I know how hard all of this is on you. Your grandmother wonders off too easily, and now I know your grandfather can hear me." He took a couple of breaths, then continued. "You felt pressured, and you told me what I should have been doing. I'm sorry for putting you through that. I'll check on your grandfather from now on. You shouldn't have to do this by yourself. Will you forgive my earlier actions?"
I was stunned. 'Did my Lord just me for my forgiveness?', I thought. "But the way I spoke to you..."
"Was because you were feeling pressure that I caused."
"I wasn't trying to say you never do anything here."
"I know that... now. Will you forgive me?"
"I forgive you."
I learned valuable lessons that day. Being perfect doesn't mean you never make mistakes, but rather what you do when you make them. No one is too old, or holds a position too high, to say 'I'm sorry.'. Misunderstandings are a fact of life no matter how hard we try to avoid them. Admittance of an error is not a show of weakness. It's just the proper thing to do. Also that admittance is not the same as repentance. Admittance is acknowledging an error. Repentance is the promise to never repeat the error. Humility is needed for both.
