From the outside, being self employed can appear like you have everyday off. Yes, my schedule can be pretty flexible at times but my schedule feels more like I never have any days off because it is hard to tell when I am done working (because I am never done working). After years of not knowing the difference between resting and working and I was beginning to lose my mind so last year I started declaring “Blank Canvas Days."
Today is a Blank Canvas Day. Today is supposed to be my day off. It’s the day I don’t allow myself to put anything on my schedule so I can really hunker down and get some work done. As I’m typing this, I realize how much this doesn’t make sense. A day off to work? Yeah, ok, let me try to explain this.
I perform music in the evenings and I have a henna booth at the Portland Saturday Market. My weekends are crazy busy. Like, I barely get 5 hours of sleep a night, busy. I also am producing an original musical and that is a huge amount of work that entails a lot of phone calls, emails, meetings and the coordinating of a lot of different peoples schedules. I write everyday (even before I knew what Steemit was, I did this). I take classes from 7-11pm on Monday nights and from 11am-1pm on Thursdays and I work out with a personal trainer on Thursday afternoons.
I am constantly in motion and it can be hard for me to distinguish when I’m working and when I’m playing. Sometimes I need a lot of downtime and/or alone time to recover from my weird and sometimes insane schedule. I also need big blocks of time to dig into the bigger projects. Right now, digging deep into a project means finishing these 20 musical charts as well as doing a re-write on my script. Finishing this project is kind of big and urgent because we are holding auditions next week.
Today is the day that I shouldn’t have to put on makeup or leave my house. Today is the day that I should be under no obligation to anyone. Today is my Saturday and it is supposed to be sacred.
I shouldn't be sleeping in, something I’m biologically incapable of anyway for some some reasons I don’t understand. I should be digging in. I should be throwing myself into the halls of madness and wandering about until Thursday morning when I emerge as a creative genius. I should be sipping tea on a yoga mat and writing content for Steemit (Oh wait, that is totally what I am doing right now). I should be honoring my creative sabbaths but instead I’m taking a friend to the airport and meeting two other friends for lunch. Sounds stupid and petty, I know, BUT I NEED TO BE WORKING ON MY DAYS OFF.
Blank Canvas Days are not days off from work. These are days off from obligation. These are days where I can be completely in the flow, where nothing is predetermined.
I put Blank Canvas Day on my calendar on days where I have no intention of putting anything else on my schedule. If for some reason I have to make a commitment on a Blank Canvas Day, I need to find another day that month to take one. I need to have at least one a week but I am entitled to two. Usually a Tuesday or a Wednesday, sometimes both. I’m not allowed to make commitments on these days so that if I have creative inspiration, I can follow it without disruption. I started doing this and my chest felt lighter, my life fell more into order and I started creating more. These days are gold.
Last night around 9pm I was bombarded by requests and favors from friends. I was weak and I relented and now my beautiful blank canvas day has a mark on it.
Big sigh....
I suppose being creative means working around obstacles and finding ways to make mistakes look intentional. Maybe these few brushstrokes will inspire me to make a masterpiece today.