Why does the UN wait until so many lives are lost in acts of violence/war before they step in?

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One word: politics

The UN isn't a country, it's a community of states. Each state has their personal interests and they'll all try to protect that.

In the case of war, the UN will have to deliberate on whether they need to intervene in the conflict or not. When they do, they'll have to decide ignition would be armed intervention, aid intervention or economic intervention.

All of these deliberations take time and states who benefit from the conflict might try to frustrate quick decision making.

Plus, the UN is easily influenced by some countries. If these countries aren't interested in the conflict, the UN is unlikely to do anything about it