Okay, I couldn't resist.....
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It was market day in Aquilholm. For once, the sun was out and it was neither raining nor snowing. A rare occurrence this far north, in the Kingdom of Narheim. The folk of the town strolled around the bustling market; shopping, chatting with kin-folk, friends and neighbours, and generally enjoying the day.
Through the bustling throng, a wagon slowly made it's way to the centre of the Market Square. Not just any wagon, this was a splendid vehicle drawn by two chestnut horses with blue plumes, and almost obscenely over-decorated. The whole thing was highly varnished wood painted in shades of purple, hung about with trinkets and brass ornaments. It was a monument to bad taste.
The carriage came to a halt in the very centre of the square, and it's sole occupant hopped out of the driving seat and started to unfasten the side panel. He was a gnome, snappily dressed in a bottle green tailcoat, light blue breeches, and a hugely out-of-proportion (and very new-looking) red velvet top hat. Even by gnomish standards his stature was diminutive.
With a thump, the side panel of the carriage folded out, revealing a high platform that the gnome started to spring up, and behind it, shelves covered in dark brown bottles. People stopped and started to stare at this peculiar apparition. That's when the gnome started to speak, in a clear, commanding and very confident voice.
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, allow me to borrow a few moments of your time ! And the more perceptive among you - for I know how perceptive you worthy citizens of Aquilholm are - will have observed that I said borrow, not steal. If I borrow your time, it means you are loaning it to me, and you know that loans are always repaid with interest. In just a moment, I will show you how !"
The crowd drew closer, and started to build up some more. If nothing else, this promised to be entertaining.
The gnome continued, flourishing his top hat. "Some of you probably recognise me; I am Marv the Magnificent, the world-renowned gnomish inventor and skilled pharmacist."
Marv picked up one of the bottles from the shelves behind him. The slim container was made of brown glass, stoppered with a small cork and with a label covered in incomprehensible cursive writing and designs.
"What I bring you today is the most efficacious tonic and cure-all, developed by myself personally, Marv the Magnificent, after years of dedicated research and experimentation. These humble brown bottles are sought after across the world by mages and nobles, even (if I may be so bold) by royalty themselves. They will cure all manner of ailments - from the common cold to gout, bunions and dyspepsia. For those lucky enough to be already hale and hearty, a few drops a day will keep you safe from the barber-surgeon's cruel attentions."
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A voice from the back of the crowd shouted loudly. "Snake oil !"
Barely breaking his stride, Marv's patter took this theme on.
"Not snake oil at all, my good man ! Why, that stuff is a worthless placebo sold by unqualified charlatans ! But I'll tell you my secret ingredient. You'll be the only people who will know what it is, so keep it under your hats," - another flourish of his huge top hat as he said that - "My secret ingredient isn't snake oil, no matter that snakes tend to be vicious creatures who part with their oil at the peril of the collector. No, there's no snake oil in my panacea ! What I use is far superior - snail oil !"
Leaning forward, Marv continued in a conspiratorial tone, as if to draw the crowd into a confidence.
"Ladies and gentlemen, this isn't just ordinary snail oil. I, Marv the Magnificent, collected it personally at great risk, not from ordinary common or garden snails, but from the giant sea-snails of the southern seas ! No vessel has sailed those waters before mine, and I had to invent a very special vessel indeed to be able to make the perilous voyage. The Dolphin, she was called, a wonder of the sea lanes, able to sail at tremendous speed both above the waters and beneath the waves."
Pausing, Marv wiped an imaginary tear from his eye. "Sadly, the Dolphin was lost at sea in a terrible attack by pirates. I barely escaped with my life, but I was able to save a single casket of snail oil. These few dozen bottles you see behind me are all that I was able to make from it; when they are gone, there will be no more. Buy them now, I would much rather sell them to the worthy citizens of Narheim than to the scoundrels of Filrath ! My customary price is only five gold Thrones a bottle, but I like you all so much, I'll give them to you almost at cost, only three gold Thrones a bottle, or two bottles for five Thrones. Get them now, before it's too late !"
This is Marv's second tale. Poor chap seems to get himself in so much trouble.... Here's his first. Expect inconsistencies in the story he tells !
Worldbuilding Prompt #326 - Hull integrity. The Tale of Marv the Inventor.
