Hey there Hivers! I'm back with it again with another blog. Is everyone feeling alright? I hope so!
For this blog, I'll be talking about a nickname that I'd give my younger self. It's another Avatar The Last Airbender reference by the way. (If you didn't notice already, I'm a big fan of ATLA 😭❤️) I'd like to call my younger self The Runaway because that's all I did when I was faced with something that would potentially cause problems for me.
Basically, if I had to choose between fight or flight, my younger self would choose flight lol. That trait didn't come out of nowhere. Even as a young child, I was known to just walk away from a potential fight with my cousins who were the same age as me. Every time my family talks about my, my brother and my cousins' childhoods, they always talk about how I had such a good temper and didn't entertain silly fights. I'd say that it was a good trait when I was younger because I knew how to keep my peace. I knew when to run away.
But as we all grow older, we eventually learn that we can't run away from everything that comes into our lives. There are times when we all have to face things that we don't want to face.
When I was 13, I faced something that made me want to just run away from myself. I didn't like who I was, I wasn't even sure about who I was. But I knew that I didn't like myself. I didn't like the way I looked or acted and thought that I was never enough. I was doing my best but I couldn't reach the expectations that I set for myself.
I felt so disappointed in myself. If I were given the chance to go back in time, I'd probably give my 13-year-old self a big hug and tell her that she is more than enough and that she'll be okay. She was someone who drew people in with her radiance of kindness and her nerdy humor. She even made a longtime friend that I'm still friends with to this day.
I sometimes wish that I could have my 13-year-old mind when it came to making choices, she made every choice she made blossom. She often ran away but at least she had her peace. Or maybe I just wish that things were much simpler than they are. The more we tangle into different relationships, the more our lives become more complicated.
Now that I'm older, I've made tough choices that my "Runaway Version" would not agree with, and I think that's okay. My younger self was amazing but she wasn't a perfect person. I've hurt some people before by running away. I once went offline for a couple months without explaining to my friends. It was around that time when the COVID-19 pandemic started. I understand that the pandemic was a big change but I was really worried about my friends that time.
It felt good to run away and just focus on myself for a while. I was figuring myself out and adjusting to everything that was happening. But I had people who cared for me that were waiting for me. I still feel inflicted by actions back then, whether it was reasonable or not.
I now know that there will never be a time when I can just run away from everything. I don't have the luxury of having all that time in my hands. I also don't have the luxury of always having the people I love and care about on my side all the time. I've learned that there are things that are worth the fight. Fighting to show that I care and value something or someone.
Toughening your heart up is never an easy feat. That's why I ran away all the time back then. But somehow, life will find a way to make sure that you'll learn what you have to learn. To make lemonades when you're given lemons. Because if you don't, you will lose everyone and everything you care about.
Welcome to the last portion of this blog guys! I can't believe that you guys made it this far. This specific blog is quite personal, I hope that you guys are okay with me opening up about everything I talked about. I just want to say that no matter what happens, you will always find things that you care about in this world. Care about yourself! Go make new friends! Explore new hobbies! There will always be reasons to stay. And with that, I'll see you guys in the next one 🤞❤️
