I've been avoiding Steemit for a while now because my posts took so long to write and I didn't feel like they really mattered to anyone except my parents! My dad is the reason I joined and he's the reason I'm getting back into it. He suggested last night, during my weekly "parents" night, that I should document my quest to change my life. Since October 2nd is my designated D-Day, if you will, to begin anew, it seemed fitting to start posting again right now.
It all started exactly 364 days ago. I had just turned 27. It was October 1st, and my boyfriend broke up with me. This was only the third relationship I've had in my entire life, none of which have survived longer than six months.
Do you ever feel like the clock is ticking?
Well, having a twin brother who is literally living the life that my child-self imagined my adult-self would live, it's hard not to feel like all the deadlines for all the life-events are about to blow up in front of you. I was supposed to be married to a hunk who wears plaid shirts; have had at least one baby by now (a little boy named Jonathan who would get a little sister at the age of four); and have an amazing job, that allowed me to make full use of the well-stocked library I would have in my own house; I was also going to be very fairy-like, with beautiful Disney-princess hair, who made roast beef for supper every night.
Instead, at 27, I had been steadily gaining weight for years; had been living with my parents for the last 3 years, since moving home from school completely bankrupt; was working a job I hated; was taking anit-depressants and still felt depressed. Worse, I couldn't wake up to a smoke alarm, let alone an alarm clock, and there was no plaid-wearing hunk in sight. I felt like such a bitter failure. Every solution I could come up with sounded exhausting, and seemed like a dead-end.
In February of this year, I finally went to the doctor because I not only found it next to impossible to wake up, I was also falling asleep on the way to work in the mornings. She did some bloodwork, which came back with diabetic levels of high blood sugar, as well as high cholesterol, low iron, and low thyroid. She didn't want to put me on medicine and officially diagnose me with anything so serious as diabetes because of my age, so she prescribed me a healthier diet and exercise. I wrote her instructions on an envelope in my purse, then I went straight to the grocery store and bought myself some raisins and almonds instead of the cream cheese bagel I had been planning to buy before returning to work.
In the last seven months, I've lost about 20lbs; begun eating leafy greens, super food smoothies, and actual dinners; increased my exercise from 'running around the office like a chicken with her head cut off' to an actual 'get your heart rate up' walk at least a few times a week, if not daily. I've been researching frantically to learn more about my health and my diet and the best foods to eat to control blood sugar and thyroid. I’ve also had weeks where I felt like a total failure and just couldn’t stick to my health food. Comfort eating is a serious set-back; once you’ve had that one mouthful of blissful chocolate, or that one soothing handful of chips…it’s a precipice that’s hard to pull away from! It seems like every other week, my good intentions crash and burn--and every other weekend, I clean my house and reset my food goals and make plans expecting a surge in energy levels. It’s been a roller coaster in learning to encourage myself, but also be strict, without falling prey to the condemning self-talk I’m so prone to, which makes me want to just curl up in a ball and never leave my bed.
This is one of my reset weekends, and I'm trying to pack a lot into it. That always stresses me out, so here I am on Steemit, avoiding the pile of dishes, the dust bunnies I need to tame, and the food I need to prep for my "D-Day" (aka, Detox Day. I'll explain later). I just wrote down the minimum that I wanted to say in a Word program, and it was four pages long! So I guess I’ll make a bit of a series out of this experience, rather than forcing anyone to read a novel. Basically, I want to talk about the very clichéd but oh-so essential quest to take back control of my life. In all my research, I’ve found that articles with personal, practical experience were the most helpful/encouraging, so hopefully others will find a few useful nuggets in my writing. I’m also very open to advice, so if you’re a health guru, or you've been through this before, get your comments on!
(Also, you may have noticed, Disney movies kind of resonate with me...obviously none of the images I've used are mine! The first one is a Dali painting, very un-Disney.)
