I don't know if you've felt like this year has been pretty strange—as if nothing were exciting anymore, or as if it had lost its magic— That’s how I’ve been feeling lately. Even though I’ve had some good news, I feel like it’s not the same as before, when I used to get so excited about simple things. Just this week, that feeling has been even stronger because I remembered that it’s October—a month when I used to watch horror movies, enjoy Halloween activities, or even dress up and put on makeup. But this October just feels like any other month of the year; there’s nothing that’s inspiring me to do anything themed for the occasion.
Even at this time of year, I can already feel the excitement of Christmas; you can tell that the month that’s so important to us is approaching, but I don’t feel excited or get into the Christmas spirit, and I’m worried about going into December feeling this way, since it’s the only month of the year that takes me back to my childhood and that I enjoy so much with my family.
But I feel like I'm suffocating; I feel like the world is getting more and more chaotic, and we've reached a point of no return. I have this awful feeling that won't let me be happy or at peace, much less enjoy those moments that only happen once a year.
Although overall this will be a very sad Christmas—perhaps the saddest in a long time—for many families who lost everything… I always think about that; I even follow people I met because of the earthquake on social media, and I’ve seen how they’re moving on with their lives. In a way, I admire them, and I wonder how on earth they manage to keep going after losing everything… And that makes this Christmas impossible to even enjoy. I’ll do my best to spend time with my family and make my son’s Christmas special, just like always—now more than ever… Because we don’t know if we’ll have that chance next year.
I really just wanted to vent a little. I've been feeling really bad overall—physically and mentally exhausted—but I've always been trying to keep going despite everything and looking for ways to take my mind off the chaos in my head.