I have tried my best to keep myself busy but busy is elusive for my part due to the fact I am always distracted with mortal pleasures. I have started to get my body in a sorry state of order and I am having to force myself to re-evaluate what is important for my overall health.
Mental and Physical.
There I am in a crossroad because there is a certain stubbornness in me requiring me to embrace distractions, a human trait I think, this is now a hinderance since I enjoyed it in the beginning of this new journey but now it is starting to hold me back.
And I don't like things holding me back even if it is engrained in myself to seek them at times. An addiction has never been my thing. I don't like feeling like I am stuck on something I cannot control. I can't even control myself so why would I allow an external force to exert its will on me and my own self.
A silent voice of reason to not get myself involved in something I do not fully agree with. I think is the frame of mind I am thinking about.
An unusual personal trait I have encouraged since I was young.
Am I wrong to determine what is right for me? I think not since I am who I am in the first place and any other thing I can think of are all coming from the very inside of me anyway. Which begs the question to myself.
How can I make sure I do not fall into my own trap?
A trap I keep making for myself based on my actions and also on where I am mentally and physically. I am happy where I am right now except for this small part of my life that is big in its own right.
Think of things small as big and big things as small, Sun Tzu, said something along those lines in his book. How I remember it is another matter but I have read that little book of his a number of times and I can say confidently by a considerable amount of times.
This small thing then is also a large part of my very existence in the now and requires me to really have a good focus into it. I need to step back and see if I see the bi picture in something that is so tiny within the scope of my life in the now and the coming future.
I am making sense.
All at least I know I think I am inside even if I am not sounding confident when I say it to myself because after all the voice inside you is the loudest even when there are screaming little children trying to drown out your thoughts. In a crowded place there are even lonely people bopping into the night hoping they fall out of their misery or problems to land softly into someone's supporting arms or into a warm bed waiting for them to slumber into the night.
Thanks for your time
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