fewest bodily excretions

Agreed 😅

Zookeeper? That'd be a "hell no."

Agreed again...zoos are horrible institutions, prisons for animals. Did you see what they did Marius the giraffe in Denmark? https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/140210-giraffe-copenhagen-science Sliced him up as a science lessons for kids and fed the pieces to the lions.

Hell, no to zookeeper.

As for detective, oh you are a wonder. I'm not surprised. Clever, audacious and determined.

Unfortunately, I've been sort of a detective. Not a good fit for me. I'm not wily enough, and I just want to get along. Was a most dreadful experience.

I was a really good teacher...yes, excellent. But that's not one of our choices.

As always, your piece delights.