I never, not one single day, forgot about her

Brilliant. The worst thing for a child is the sense of abandonment.

It wasn't just that my father was violent, mean--actually terrifying. It was that he didn't care.

We ran from him when I was eleven. My uncle and my longshoreman cousin went back to pick up our clothes. In the following seven years my father didn't try to communicate with me. When I was 18 I needed his social security number in order to apply for college scholarships. My older brother contacted him and told him what I needed. My father sent me a letter, in response, well past the deadline for the application. In the letter my father railed against my mother, complimented me on my academic achievements and claimed credit for them. He said, the only possible explanation for my achievements was that I inherited his genes. He ended the letter with this sign off, "Your father wishes you all the best. Besides that I have nothing to offer you."

This was the last communication I had with my father. He died 22 years later.

Some men truly are bad fathers.

Keep connecting with your daughter in every way you can. It matters.