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To myself who’s having a heavy heart and a weary mind lately, how are you?
I don’t know if someone already asked you this question. If someone did, what did you answer? Did you say the truth? Did you really mean the words you utter? Or just like what you always do, you pretended to be okay again.
Nick, you hide your vulnerability by trying so hard to sound alright and too far from being not okay. You probably said, “I’m okay”, with much enthusiasm in your voice, as if you didn’t spend the past nights crying in bucket of tears, wondering why you’re still existing. Or what is your purpose here. I could see in your eyes the sadness you have been covering with your fake laughs and pretentious smiles. I could see how you just shrug off the burden in your heart, or the thoughts lurking around inside your head.
Despite you, not saying what you really feel, I know how hard you’re trying each day, Nick. I may not know the things you do just to stay still and stay being sane, yet I know the courage you always have to carry each day, believing how this life is still worth the fight. And another chance.
Nick, I want to say I commend you, not because I want to sugarcoat your pains, but because I could see how brave you are. Choosing to exist is one brave thing to do. And so staying. I’m not here to make you feel I’m just showering you with false positivity, but rather I want to say I believe in you, in your highest and lowest points.
And Nick, please know that it’s okay to embrace yourself during your downfalls. It’s okay to recognize yourself when you feel like you’re amidst of falling again. It’s okay to say ‘I’m not okay’ and you shouldn’t apologize for it.
You have someone here who’ll accept your vulnerability during your weakest days.
Keep on going, dear Nick.
@agimat