That fateful Sunday, I was feeling odd. I felt restless like something would happen to me but I couldn't fathom how or where or when. I felt a sudden fever like I had been sick for a week and I couldn't go to church. I know something was about to happen but I was clueless still.
That was how I spent the Sunday treating myself on meds and pretending the sign was just coincidental. My mum called me to check up on me as her usual act but I couldn't tell her how I was throughout that day just so she doesn't get too worried but then she got concerned with the way my voice sounded and I tried so hard to hide it but still she sensed it. Unfortunately the network got worse and we ended the conversation.
If only I had known, I would have spoken to her more 馃槶. I would have heard her voice more and listened to her words more.
If I had known! I would have visited more often and not get overshadowed with work. Only if I had known she had no much time to spend with me, to call me her favourite of all my names, calling first in the morning and last at night like my newest boyfriend that is very much intoxicated with love, to ask me what I've eaten and planned to eat and her numerous and countless prayers. I lost them all in a matter of seconds.
I slept that Sunday night hoping to wake up the next morning with a better feeling so I can head to work but my night was cut short by a sudden call at around 4am, notifying me of my mum grasping for breathe to live. I acted up like I could be powerful enough that instant to get home and try to rescue her. I screamed like my voice would reach the heavens and her life would be returned.
She was rushed to the hospital and all my mum could still do was fight for her life but the life was gone already as there was no pulse anymore when they got to the entrance of the hospital and she was released instantly to be taken back. My siblings cried out to the doctor as if he had a little hidden magic to perform that could revive her and had not done his best yet.
The only thing I could hear from the other end of the call was she's no longer breathing, she's still not breathing and I was left helpless but to pray like a miracle would happen but it all seems like no one could hear me.
I kept calling back but it was still the same response and I just wish the clock could be fastened to 5am so I could set out but unfortunately it seemed to be much more slower than before and I had no other option but to set out.
At every church that I pass by, I subconsciously ask God to revive my mum back to life. I got to the road seeing almost no vehicle or bike to take me away so I sat there on the road crying and hoping that God would still hear me out. Sooner or later I luckily saw a bikeman who took me to the park at an extra cost. I didn't even have any cash on me and I had to make a transfer, as long as he would take me to the park on time.
I got to the park and had to wait for the bus to get filled and I wish right there that I had the money to pay the driver off so we can move right away but I couldn't and I had to just wait. The journey of 2-3hours seemed like I was using the whole day and I know pretty well that the other passengers that morning would probably see me as a crazy person but only I knew the fire been set in my clothes, burning so hot that I was trying to endure the unbearable pain, and the bitter truth that I still refuse to accept.
I finally got home and the first thing that set my brain right was seeing the crowd in the compound so I stumped in not minding the voices trying to stop me. It is one thing that a bad incidence happened but it's another thing that such a crowd was at my house at that early time of the morning.
There and then, seeing her being laid on the bed, preventing air from entering into her nose and mouth, I realized that I had lost my mum truly. I wailed like never before and almost said things I would have regretted all my life.
I just wish she had spent more years, months, weeks or even days with us. I wish I was able to say goodbye to her before leaving. I wish I had talked to her more the previous night. I wish I was privileged to hold onto her while living and not holding onto her because she's gone. I WISH! but there was nothing else I could do than to look out for my dad and siblings and plan on the next thing to do.
A day that sticks to my memory till eternity
A day that left me to being traumatized
A day to be remembered in tears and with so many What if
A day with unprepared incident and unexpected news
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