Here to share and enjoy the new steemit community in various subjects.
Such as Philosphy, Spirituallity, Technology, Gaming, Fitness life, Cats, Crytocurrency.
Im a dutch guy 28 year old from the The netherlands.
Let me share a bit of my personal journey. It's a bit unusual..
Ive had an rather extreme childhood, with bullying (thats how i experienced it anyway) everywhere I go.
Perhaps because i have always been a thinker or a loner in some kind of a way, and my vulnerable/sensitive nature.
This has accumulated lots of experiences going into highschool, where it continued though somewhat less.
I had no problems learning, i loved it full on geek-level, in fact some people thought i might be gifted and i tested iq at 125.
However I developed extremely severe acne on my face at the time of high school. This hurt my self image in such a way. It destroyed many of my socialising aspects, which were already shaky. This endured to my early 20's and I wanted to kill myself many times. But I could never. My home situation was not stable aswell, my mom is not a stable person, raising 3 kids with ptsd and I had no dad.
Then one day I decided it was enough. I felt there was something seriously wrong with this world based of various things I have observed when I was 16. Not just the way people interacted with me, but with each other, and how the world "works". I felt something so extremely wrong. I couldn't find the words to explain it. So I stood from class and walked out to never return again. And fell into extreme (suicidal) depression. I had to meet a school attendance officer. And i was before a judge, where I somehow dulled myself into accepting I should do another education because of my age and I was let go. So I choose Information Computer Technology. Since it was one of the things I was interested in and it seemed handy. I was able to finish it but I still wasn't feeling well, so I saved my money till I was forced to meet "life" as most people know it. I was ready to live at the street or go to prison or die at that time when money ran out.
I met with someone from the government for social welfare and i was invited for a pysch eval. I was diagnosed with clinical depression and I was able to live on without having to go to such extreme by living on social welfare.
Later on I had discovered what had happend to me. And I experienced what I have experienced as a spiritual awakening, I was on the brink of going crazy.. and nihilistic thoughts very present, i did nothing but lay in bed for months upon months of time.
Then (i cannot exactly remember when) one day it changed INSTANTLY, I remembered who I really was, that I wasn't any of the things that I was thinking but I am love.. and then I changed quite dramatically. The things I felt and experienced, there are no words to describe it.. it was like I was alive for the very first time. Coupled with the deep realisation everything is bullshit.
From there on I have had 6 year period of utter bliss and balance which I think very very few people have experienced in this magnitude and depth if at all... I had a universal experience. I went on the internet looking for similair things and I found many people that helped me further my own mind and conciousness, it was a daily study of reading texts and watching documentaries.
I finally more closely understood what is wrong with this world. Not to fall into despair once more, but I understand humanities challenges very intimately now on a more cognitive level.
Then a good intimate friend of mine broke my heart, and it still affects me to this day, but every day i am healing.
The phase of learning humanities challenges from a distance to first hand once again.
So my path has become one of a Paradigm Breaker in such an expression, that wether or not I can work. Has become irrelevant.
I don't do well in most job environments (had a few small jobs) most defintely not in a boss/employee environment.
The fact we have to work and people who don't work (wether by choice or otherwise) became a philsophical/spiritual subject for me. And I saw its true ugly face. One of the core precepts of which many people live by in this world. I thus found out the world seems inverted.. going off on backward logic.. Fear... seperation instead of unity and love. Now there is incredible beauty in this world, yes. But we should not ever not take the distortions not serious.
This is not my pity story, this is just as it is, having been uniquely challenged this life. In fact I don't mind my past, i love it for I would not have had those experiences/wisdom otherwise. But everything does leave traces.. this is most definitely true.
I may understand, based on this "brief" summary of information, lots of people won't be understanding this, or rather anyhow at all! Hell I am still constantly judged for the way of my path. Now I understand that is actually part of it. And I feel honour and pride in it. Because I am showing them... and they are showing me.. <3
I feel that because of this unusual way of life, I should share it with other people leaving them to decide for themselves.
I love you all no matter what you may think
