We all have people we look up to. It’s like we put them on a little pedestal in our minds. We admire their success, their confidence, the way they handle life. For a long time, my boss was that person for me. His name is Mark. Mark had built a great company from nothing. He was sharp, he was generous with bonuses, and he always seemed to know the right thing to say in a meeting. I wanted to be like him one day.
Our team was like a family. We worked hard, but we also laughed a lot and supported each other. Then, a big project came along. It was stressful, with tight deadlines and a demanding client. We were all feeling the pressure, but we were pushing through together as a one big family.
One afternoon, we were in Mark’s office, discussing the project’s progress. Sarah, a woman on our team who is one of the most talented and dedicated people I know, presented a brilliant idea to solve a major problem we were stuck on. It was smart, creative, and would save us a ton of time. The whole room felt the energy shift, this was the solution we needed.
Mark listened, nodded, and then said, “That’s a great idea, Sarah. Really great. Let’s have James and David (two guys on the team) run with it and flesh out the details. They can present it to the client.”
The room went quiet for a second. It was a small thing, but it wasn’t small at all. He had taken her idea and immediately handed it to two men to execute and, ultimately, get the credit for.
After the meeting, I lingered, thinking maybe I had misunderstood. I said, “Hey Mark, Sarah’s idea was fantastic, wasn’t it? She really saved us.”
He sighed and said something I will never forget. He leaned back in his chair and said, “Oh, it was. She’s a sharp one. But you know, for the client presentation, we need a stronger presence. We need people who can command the room. It’s just about putting our best foot forward.”
And there it was. The moment. The pedestal didn’t just crack; it completely shattered into a million pieces.
It wasn’t anger I felt first. It was a deep, cold disappointment. In that one sentence, he revealed a mentality that I found impossible to respect. He saw value in Sarah’s work, but he didn’t see her as having the same value as the men on the team. He judged “presence” not on talent or knowledge, but on some old fashioned idea of what authority should look and sound like.
I realized I couldn’t look up to someone who so casually limited other people’s potential. His success was real, but it was built alongside a mindset that I wanted no part of, something i couldn't have imagine happen . How could I aspire to be like someone who would never truly see me or my female colleagues as equals? How many other “Sarahs” had there been before?
That moment changed everything. I didn’t quit my job the next day, but I started looking at everything differently. I made a promise to myself right then, no amount of success or charm is worth compromising your core belief that everyone deserves a fair shot. I stopped seeing Mark as a role model and started seeing him as a lesson. A lesson in what kind of leader I didn’t want to be. And sometimes, realizing who you don't want to be is just as important as figuring out who you do. that has really thought me a great lesson and adding more knowledge to me.
