A scribbled notes on my guide to life. This post shares a piece of my perspective about the world and shouldn't be taken as a life advice. I got plenty of floating words at the back of my head so I figured maybe it's time to put some of it into writing. I think of a phrase after learning a lesson. Please be entitled to your informed opinions as I got my own. They have no order.
You're never going to be a protagonist for somebody but you.
Think about that relative you barely have interaction with.
Think about that co-worker you meet everyday but conversations don't extend beyond greetings.
Think about strangers that pass you by.
Think about acquaintances you haven't seen for months to years.
Do you think they have the motivation to keep a mental space reserved for your existence 24/7 on a constant basis?
You're not the protagonist on anyone's life but yours. You may have taken some of the spotlight for a moment that kept their attention to you but these thoughts don't linger long. And it works both ways for other people taking a piece of your attention during the day. You don't think about them long unless they make a significant impression.
You're also not entitled to their attention.
That's why I keep repeating an internal pep talk where I say "Get out of it, nobody cares and just do your thing". This isn't to say that people will never mind what you do, they would mind, they would stare, they would comment, judge, and do what whatever they want to do but that's also the same privilege given to you when you become the audience and they take the spotlight.
You can't please everybody. Do you know why this lesson gets repeated frequently? because it's hard to apply the assignment. It's a repeating assignment for people to learn. You can't please your boss all the time, your family, friends, peers, or even yourself. You may find pursuing your own interests makes you happy but at the costs of failing a significant other's expectations. You may find ephemeral joy in a significant other's praise at the cost of not doing what you really want. Something has to be let go.
What do you think is an important factor to attain happiness? Control. People with no sense of control over their lives will never find happiness living like their limbs tugged by a string. These strings come in the form of incentives or sanctions tied by the puppeteer that comes in the form of obligations. Dreaming of the day that you become your own puppeteer but constantly tossing that role into someone else's hands. Now who do you think was at fault when you keep passing your reign?
Life is unfair so either you adapt to the unfair advantages others have or fall into despair.
Anyone that tells me we're all equal and does the feel good pep talk shit can just shove it. Some people won the genetic lottery and inherited best qualities like a body easily conditioned for sports, intelligence, looking good, or be born into a wealthy family. Not everyone has access to equal opportunities and this fact elevates some people in the societal hierarchy because of they take advantage of their unfair advantage.
The sabotage here is believing you don't have one of your own. You do and probably haven't figured it out yet. I'm smart, not athletic nor good looking but I'm smart and these smarts led to create opportunities accessible to only the smart asses in the class can have. I can't get a scholarship through playing sports but I can get a scholarship by keeping my grades high. There's just somethings I can and can't do. That's how basic this is.
You think those girls showing their skin on OnlyFans are losing the game, well it depends on what game is being played but if money was the basis, the top tier creators are earning more than PhD graduates make in a year.
Knowledge in finance. Some traders who are good at the skill set could earn more money than their peers who graduated college and got stable jobs. The fact that unequal opportunities and advantages exist only means that everyone has a chance to create a life they want if they figured out their unfair advantage.
Tolerate no self bullshit
Sure, we're all human beings with value, I guess that's nice to acknowledge but our value is relative to how much use we are to someone else. You can tell yourself about how enough you are but if I see you having a poor credit score, in debt, unemployed, and going through several personal issues, I'm sorry, I less likely to believe you got your shit together and living your life to the fullest.
I think everyone gets a free pass if they do positive self talk. We need some form of copium to keep the insanity at bay. But copium is a drug that we're not meant to use too long because the side effects include falling into a delusion that it's the world making us a bitch instead of uncontrollable circumstances and a mix of our poor life choices got us to whatever shit hole we found ourselves in.
Taking accountability to one's circumstances is the second step to seizing control. The first step was acknowledging you're fucking up your life and you need to get your shit together.
Everyone is faking it till they make it
When we were young, our role model adults seemed like the type of people we can look up to. They seemed to have figured out what they want to do in life so we hoped as we age we may figure out our shit to. Fast forward a decade or more, we're just as clueless as they were but still pretending like we know so as not to make stupid shits of ourselves in front of the younger ones.
Maybe some have figured out their answers by now. What I can say for certain was the role models I looked up to in the past were very good at hiding their flaws. The sign of maturity is having the ability to notice the flaws and accepting it for what it is.
Your parents may have instilled the idea that if you study hard, work hard, get a good job, and then you'll find contentment to do what you want in the pursuit of happy life. Now we know it's not that simple. Forget about getting rich with working a noble job because nobody becomes wealthy doing 9-5 unless you're working for some specialized area under the 1% of the elites. The shortest path to happiness is downgrading what we want or substituting it for what is more feasible.
As you walk through life, you collect garbage
The things that appear to matter but not can come in the form of responsibilities and expectations others have put on you or you created yourself. Some toxic relationships and acquaintances that barely do you any value, I call these excess baggage and they become a burden to your progress if you can't seem to part with them when you obviously need to. Some garbage can mimic itself in the form of rewards, like an employer baiting you for a promotion if you stick around for a few more months versus taking that job opportunity in another career. You'll only know whether its garbage you're keeping when you know you have to let go for something better but can't.
The spotlight trap
The pursuit of being the center of attention or admiration will become a constant struggle which entails keeping the high of validation, being at the mercy of peer review, a network that uses you, and wearing a mask to thrive. Fame has benefits, it gets you opportunities to build a network but it's not meant to be useful unless your dead. Learn from history, no celebrity is without an issue, even the wholesome ones get their rainy days. It's not easy being popular but this isn't a lesson everyone would have the privilege to live through.
Do something useful and fulfilling while taking a back seat. Those that matter will notice and those that don't will likely never see you in the same light without the spotlight. If people are treating you well, start evaluating how useful you are relative to the your social position, the privileges and favors given to you may be for the position you're in and not you. After you move to a different spot, probably a less favorable one, watch as the treatments begin to differ. A normal staff gets treated like everybody, a manager gets a slightly better. Now imagine that manager demoted to a regular staff position, do you think they'll have the same treatment when they were as a manager minus the responsibilities?
If you're treated well, check if it's because of who you are or because you occupy a position.
Stares
No matter what you do, you will always be judged. Take a stance at a polarizing issue and expect the other side will curse you. This is the part where hypocrisy becomes an unconscious habit. When we are taught early that the accused is innocent until proven guilty but at the slightest hint of gossip we already have a verdict. But that's fine, keep it to yourself, keep the judgement inside your head and remain the saint. This is why you don't have to settle to believing what is being said, who knows what the other person judging you is thinking but they keep it to themselves. You do this, everyone does this. So stares can and never will be trusted.
Be comfortable at being hated.
No matter how kind you are, someone out there can hate your guts even if you're in the right. A hero gets praised in their motherland for their deeds at war but they are still a villain to the ones they have vanquished. Once you have decided to make a stand for something then you assumed to take responsibility for the fall out. There are no heroes that never became villains. It's the same coin seen in different sides.
You make your own demons.
One way of saying you create your own enemies. Nobody is destined to hurt you, nobody was tailor fit by destiny to make you suffer, all the devils that came to torment you came by chance brought by your circumstances. It is conceited to think the universe is out to get you when there is nothing to be gained by your fall. You make your own enemy. You can be your own source of sabotage.
If you meet someone that causes you pain, it's still within your power to call them your enemy. You can let the offense pass or you can nurse the grudge and let the person live as your enemy. Others may have made you their enemy, but you are not obligated to treat them as your enemy.
It took a while to process this lesson but the tl:dr version is that unless you tag people as your enemy, the people that will you harm are products of the circumstances you are in. They exist as people will ill intentions towards you but they are not your enemies unless you make them. So for every hater you encounter, would you really be willing to go out of your way to single them out and catalogue who they are within your mental space? that is how you make enemies.
Be selective of who you ask for advice.
Study hard, get a good job that pays bills, and live a happy life. It's the motto of a generation that has past and yet more than half of the population can't seem to get the assignment right. Have you ever sat down with your folks that got a degree or a stable job and ask why they haven't accomplished their simple advice? It might have been an irrelevant question if you were born in a wealthy family and lived a privileged life.
But for the common folks, the bottom feeders, and the unfortunates participating in the rat race, you think these golden advices passed on by losers for generations will eventually make you winners? work hard, yeah, believe in that until you die.
The quality of your advice is only as good as where it came from and how you apply that advice which are two things you can control. The first part is stop listening bullshit from people unqualified to give you an advice. Would you be interested in hearing legal advice from a janitor?
Why did you think being told that securing a degree through college would get you employed and live a good life? Were you sold an idea that you're going to be enjoying or working in a job you want using the diploma you struggled for? There's an invisible system at work that keeps everyone in the rat race but this system is balanced because not everyone can live equally well. Someone has to play the service crew when you're a tourist on a cruise ship.
For every privilege you can afford to keep, there is someone out there that lost their opportunity to secure that benefit. There's only a few spots open to be in the crew. You take a spot, you eventually blocked others from getting that opportunity. This is the rat race.
Who's expert advice do you listen to and are they winning in the field of their expertise?
I lost some brain cells writing this.
If reading far, made this it you, thank for time you.
