Sabrina Alexis here and I'm
going to share one of the most
powerful relationship lessons
I've learned and that is.... be
careful what you give.
Before we get into the nitty
gritty, I'm going to share a
personal story.
Years ago I was in a
relationship with a man I
couldn't quite have. I mean, we
were together for all intents and
purposes but we weren't an
official couple.
I really cared for him and in my
young and naive mind, I
believed that the more I gave to
him, the more he would see how
precious and valuable I was and
then of course he'd want me to
be his girlfriend!
So I gave. I gave him my time, I
gave him my body, I gave him
thoughtful gifts, I cleaned his
apartment, I did his laundry, I
gave him....me.
All of me. I sincerely thought if I
helped make his life a better
place he would never be able to
let me go.
Well I was wrong and after a
long and painful (on my end)
relationship, it ended and it
turns out, giving him all that stuff
didn't make me as
indispensable as I thought.
Being a giving person is a
wonderful thing, don't get me
wrong.
However, when you give to
someone who doesn't deserve,
problems emerge.
The reason is the more we give
to someone, the more we end
up caring about them.
If one person is doing all the
giving, then the structure of the
relationship becomes
completely unbalanced.
The giver may start to resent
the taker and in fact, the taker
may also resent the giver.
How is this possible?
Well it's a pretty universal rule of
human nature that we don't
appreciate getting things that we
didn't deserve.
We want to feel like we've
earned the great things that
come our way and there is no
glory in getting something for
nothing.
If you give someone something
they don't need, or don't feel
they deserve, they may actually
resent you in the end.
For instance, let's say a child is
desperate for love and approval
from his or her parents but only
receives fancy toys and other
material things.
While toys are great and all, if
it's not what you need, you won't
want it and will resent your
parents for giving it to you.
When you give to a man
unconditionally, you make it
seem like you have something
to prove.
He won't see your generosity as
a virtue, rather, he'll view it as a
manifestation of deeper
insecurities.
I'm not saying don't give a man
anything. You should give,
giving is great, it make us better
people and makes relationships
stronger.
However, do not give until he
shows he deserves it. Don't
invest heavily in him before
he has shown any sort of
commitment to you.
Don't cook for him, clean for
him, surprise him with notes and
gifts until he shows you how
much he appreciates and
adores all that you have to offer.
If a man refuses to call you his
girlfriend, don't cook him a four-
course meal in the hopes that
he'll realize what an awesome
girlfriend you'll make.
The rules of giving can apply to
all stages of relationships but it's
especially important the early
stages.
When you first get involved with
someone, it's best to stay as
objective as possible.
Call it infatuation, emotion or
hormones, the beginning of a
relationship can consume you
with some intense feelings that
prevent you from seeing a
person as they are.
Giving will only make the
problem worse, causing you
to fall deeper in lust and
clouding your vision so that
you can't see him for who he
really is.
Being selective with what you
give in the beginning will also
give you a better sense of the
guy you're dealing with.
A truly decent guy who cares
about you will recognize and
appreciate anything you give
to him and will happily
reciprocate. A jerk will just
keep on taking as long as you
keep on giving.
The moral of the story: You are
incredibly valuable, hence,
everything you have to offer is
of great value so be very
mindful of what you give to who
or you may feel that value start
to chip away.
Lots of love,
Sabrina Alexis
P.S. You deserve a great
relationship and you can have
one.
